Hi, I'm Heidi.

Hi, I'm Heidi.

I'm an addict.

Almost three weeks ago, I experienced my worst day on this planet.

The worst.

And, I've been on this planet for 42 years.

Just barely, really.

My birthday recently passed.

In my home, it's a national (or international since my oldest is currently in Chile) holiday.

That's no joke.

Parties for days.

To celebrate me.

In all of my broken glory.

But back to the addict thing - worst day ever.

I received a phone call, telling me my children were being taken from me.

I left work immediately.

Drove my stick shift, black, car that was approximately 176 degrees inside home.

Crying. 

No, wailing.

While on the phone with my children's father,

who had been briefed on what was happening.

I asked him, no begged him, to come to our home and HELP ME.

I didn't know what that meant, really.

But I knew I needed help. 

From someone.

Anyone.

For what, I didn't yet know.

But I soon found out.

And it began.

My journey to recovery.

And such.

This blog is to chronicle my addiction and my recovery.

It is to discuss in full, honest rawness about what led to this addiction.

What fueled this addiction.

What this addiction has done to my boys.

And to my family.

And to my closest, most dear friends.

And to me.

This blog will show you me.

And my whole, unclothed, vulnerable, onion-peeled-apart, unashamed (we'll talk about that more later), yet coo coo for cocoa puffs self.

It won't always be happy.

Let's face it - addiction is not happy.

It's ugly.

Really, really ugly.

Like swimming in a forest full of ugly branches for 42 years- ugly.

Bad, People.

Real bad.

And recovery hasn't been so pretty either, Folks.

But necessary.

That's what my 16-almost-17 year old says.

"It's necessary, Mom."

So, come here to learn.

To cry, perhaps.

To smile at things that you kind of have to laugh at so you don't cry stuff.

But, come.

Because we are all broken.

That's how the light gets in.

And, People.

This girl is determined to see the light.