Accountability

 In the first hours of my recovery, it was made known by my brother that I really needed to have some sponsors.

My therapist agreed.

It's a part of any 12-step program.

It's about accountability.

Sometimes we make different decisions if we know that we have to answer to someone tangibly.

After a couple of months with six sponsors, my therapist asked that I go down to one sponsor.

It's more manageable for someone in therapy.

I went down to one sponsor - T.

I continued to be accountable to her for the decisions that I was, and was not, making.

I continued to meet with my clergyman weekly. 

I was accountable to him.

I met with my therapist and my group once a week.

I was accountable to them.

This was a HUGE part of my early hours, days, weeks and months of my treatment and recovery.

There were several decisions that I made, thinking that they were totally innocent, that were seen differently by others: my dad, T, my therapist, my boys...

Their very loving, but no-nonsense approach to those decisions reminded me that I was not fully capable of making the BEST decisions yet.

I was making good decisions... better decisions for sure... but not yet the best decisions.

That accountability has kept me in line.

Recently, I have found myself very naturally morphing and moving and making decisions all by myself that show me that I'm growing.

This week, I deleted 700 people from my social media. 

I blocked quite a few of those.

Just because I knew I should.

I made a very small (yet huge for me) choice to not go to something. 

I told T about it after I made the decision.

Not before.

Not during.

I made it all by myself because it was the right decision.

You know what she said?

"I'm so dang proud of you!"

P.S. I'm pretty dang proud of my dang self.

Pretty dang proud of my dang self.