Interventions

One of my favorite people on the planet messaged me on Saturday morning:

Hey. We are getting ready to go do an intervention with my brother. What do you suggest?

First and foremost, I am so grateful that people trust me with these scenerios.

So grateful.

I asked him what the goal was.

He said, "To have him get help."

And right then, my "intervention" of sorts flashed before my eyes.

I would say that I had two interventions.

The first one was absolutely ineffective. 

It was hurtful, threatening, full of anger and accusations.

I left that meeting feeling very rebellious, very unsure of my spiritual beliefs, very upset about the things that were said, and unwilling to listen to anyone who I deemed as knowing nothing.

The second one was very different, and thus eye-opening and started me on the course of therapy and treatment... recovery.

The difference was this:

The first one was a 15 minute meeting. It was with someone whom I had never spoken to. Ever. He was a clergyman - representing my faith and apparently my family.

My family had met with him in secret.

I was threatened with immediately losing my children, told that homes had been found for them. I was threatened with a complete lack of support from anyone and anything within my faith.

I was threatened with the government being involved in removing my children. 

Not once was I asked how I was, what was happening in my life, if I wanted to discuss anything...

I was accused of horrible things and threatened with outcomes.

The second one began after I spoke with my children, their father, my best friend, and our stake president.

My brother was there and expressed his opinions. He was not accusatory; he simply stated his feelings and perceptions.

Our Stake President told me that they would find the resources I needed to get help, and that they would support me through it. 

A therapist and a 12-step group were immediately secured for me. All I had to do was show up.

My best friend and my children were by my side the entire way. 

Through everything.

They still are.

Members of my family have remained very supportive, loving, and caring.

Others have not.

However, here is what I learned about interventions:

1. Have the right people there. This is not a production, People. This is not a "see, you're a failure and we are going to prove it here today." Only those who are completely necessary to have there should be there. Let me be clear: you do not know what you think you might know about your loved one's addiction. If you already have your pre-conceived ideas about who they are, what they are going through and what they need - you should not be there. 

2. Do not be accusatory. Don't threaten. Stand your ground? Yes. But, don't threaten. First of all, the fact that your loved one has an addiction means this - they are no longer able to make choices on their own. Their agency has been taken away by the addiction. Don't argue with the person. Don't raise your voice. 

3. Have a plan. Do you have a treatment center in mind? Do you have resources to a counseling center? A group? What is their insurance like? Are your ideas for treatment just going to put them in further turmoil regarding finances, work, etc.? These are all things that will create chaos and madness in an addict's mind. 

4. Have a prepared statement. Stick to two minutes. Read it. If you love them - tell them you love them! Tell them that you believe in them. Tell them that you, too, are willing to do research and get help if necessary. 

5. If this is a chemical addiction, you have to be really careful about medical care. You can't just throw out all of the alcohol. 

6. Be aware of this: the addiction is not the underlying problem. There is something else involved. Abuse. Neglect. Trauma. Mental illness. Loss. Void. Medical issues.

The alcohol is not the issue. It's the underlying reason why they began drinking alcohol that is the issue. That is the part that needs to be treated.

7. If you don't feel that you can participate in an intervention without becoming defensive, angry, bitter, or making it all about you - don't participate. Please.

The intervention that took place on Saturday went well. He felt loved. He felt supported. He understood. He recognized that he is an addict. (step one)

That was the easy part.

Now, the road to recovery.