My Strange Addiction

 This morning, whilst getting ready, I was watching My Strange Addiction.

I haven't seen that show for years.

Quite frankly, my children and I used to watch that show and make fun of these people.

We used to call them "Crazy," "Wackadoodles," "Nuts!"

We used to say how this just could not be real and "what is their problem??"

Oh my.

How my thoughts have changed.

How my interpretation of that show and those people have changed.

I literally cried this morning while I watched that show. 

One of the men on the show today was 20 years old.

A student.

He is addicted to blow up pool toys.

For real.

As he talked to his cousin about it, his cousin (I felt, from an addict point-of-view) handled the conversation so beautifully. 

He expressed his concern so lovingly, reminding him that he loves him and supports him, but that he is worried that this addiction will cause him to have very unhealthy human relationships.

His cousin asked him if he would be willing to speak to a therapist.

Then, he went with him.

*Perfect*

It turned out that this man had a neglectful mother.

He felt that he would never be able to receive the love from humans, due to that relationship, that he perceives he is receiving from fake objects.

Therefore, he turned to blow up pool toys for connection.

To express his feelings to.

Yes, that might sound extreme and it might even make people laugh.

Please don't.

Please don't do what I did for my whole life and belittle these people.

Another woman is addicted to licking her cat, to clean the cat as a mother cat would.

Again, it sounds extreme.

It sounds disgusting.

But, as she spoke about it she expressed the connection she feels to her cat when she does this for her.

She feels that she is bonding with a living thing.

She feels that she is able to nurture and care for a living creature and that in return, the cat loves her back and comes to her for that need to be met.

Extreme?

Perhaps.

But real.

Here's the thing about addiction that I have learned:

We are ALL seeking connection.

We are ALL seeking a feeling of belonging.

Addictions fill voids.

And, remember this.

I heard in that show many times from family members and friends of these addicts:

"Just stop it!"

"Seriously. You are sick."

"You need to stop it."

First of all, yes addicts are sick.

That's not something to joke about.

Second, addicts CANNOT JUST STOP.

Please, please, please for the love of everything holy don't be me prior to realizing I was an addict and thinking, "Uh... just knock it off."

We can't JUST STOP.

I am looking forward to another day, another month, another year to continue to work on my recovery.

It's a marathon.

It's not a sprint.

My recovery will take the rest of my life.

And, that's okay.