Once again, I have not been to the gym all week.
This is a very difficult thing for me, mentally.
Emotionally.
Spiritually.
Physically.
However, it has been a few weeks of physical difficulty to GO to the gym.
With my heart not quite set on how it wants to pump blood right now, going to the gym has been a frightening thought.
On top of that, my heart issues are exhausting.
I am too damn tired to go to the gym.
I'm too tired to do anything other than get my bed ready to climb into at 5:30 every day.
So, that's what I've done.
I'm not good at doing this.
But, recently I have had no other option.
There has been no other choice.
No gym.
No dashing.
No nothing.
Just bed for hours.
This has quite literally been an act of survival for me in recent weeks, and even the last couple of months.
I long to go to the gym, but just can't get there.
Self Care, for me, is more than the acts of going to the gym & exercising, taking a bath, coloring, baking, meditation, getting my finger nails painted...
It is also SO much about compassion and grace toward myself.
It has been about allowing myself to feel tired and resting.
It has been about allowing myself to feel sad and depressed because I'm not able to exercise.
It's been about not judging any of it.
Just allowing it.
And asking my God for patience and mercy.
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