A Day of Denying & A Day of Growing

Yesterday was a very uncomfortable day for me.

I was feeling a LOT of vulnerability and that felt very uncomfortable.

It felt scary.

It felt dangerous.

After I messaged T, I stopped for a minute in my desk chair.

I went into meditation:

What are my hands touching?
What do I smell?
What do I hear?

What are the back of my legs touching?
What are my feet touching?

What are my eyes looking at?

Where do I feel tingling or pain?

This helps to ground me.

It helps me to focus on breathing and just being.

It helps me to sit with my emotions and figure them out rather than judging them.

I prayed.

I read scriptures.

Then, I texted Jackson and asked him to call me back and bear me his testimony.

Those are the good things, Loves.

Just because therapy is on-going...

Just because treatment is on-going -

It doesn't mean that I'm "healed."
... whatever that even means.

It means that I have the tools to be with my emotions.

To validate myself.

To remember that not every moment is supposed to be contentment, joy, happiness, peace and comfort.

Things are actually SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable at times.

It's normal.

It's healthy.

It's ok!

I was up all night barfing...

But I woke up this morning...

Turned on my focus and motivation meditation and got ready for this day.

It's not just about enduring.

It's not just about going through the motions.

It's about living.