Cycle Breakers are tough mother f@#kers!
I mean that.
Cycle Breakers are the elite of self-realization, mental health taker-overs, and humans in general.
Imagine being raised with generational trauma.
Imagine believing that all of that is normal and healthy.
Imagine then raising the next generation with similar beliefs PLUS the mental health issues it has caused you to have.
Imagine - after decades - being told about all of this.
Having it explained to you.
Having it drawn out, literally, with markers for you.
And then realizing that you have, indeed, passed all of this trash onto your children.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A CYCLE BREAKER.
My biggest reason for starting treatment and going through intense therapy and group meetings was to break this damn cycle.
For me.
But mostly for my children.
Who deserve better.
Who expect better, as they should.
Who don't need to continue the generational trauma.
Whose children deserve better.
That was my motivation.
That is still my motivation.
On really, really hard days...
Think step #4 in the 12-step program...
That dang step took weeks and it was, and some days continues to be brutal...
On those days, I would remind myself - out loud - that this ends with me.
That I still have time to teach my children differently.
That I still have time to break this cycle today.
Katryna said to me one day, "The worst thing that can happen is death, Heidi."
I was like, "Huh?!"
She said, "You need time. And so long as you're not dead, you've got time."
The cost of being a cycle breaker is enormous.
Boundaries create distance.
Boundaries create gossip.
Never underestimate the damage that gossip, story-telling, talking behind someone's back (whatever the hell you want to call it) does to someone.
Boundaries cause missing out... on really important things like birthday parties and other events.
But, without them - that cycle continues.
That heartache continues.
Cycle breaking is brave, People.
It is powerful.
It is my goal and my reason for treatment every single day.
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