Feelings, Part 39875

Do you know why I feel so honored to go through my trials?
Because people trust me enough to share theirs with me.

Thank you.

My friend, R, messaged me yesterday.

R is going through some trials.

R is having feelings and emotions and needed to talk about them.

R is struggling to understand why things are happening the way they are, but also is struggling to understand why these feelings and emotions are appearing.

NORMAL.

So, here's what I told R... and what I have to remind myself hourly... sometimes minute by minute.

Don't judge your emotions and your feelings.

Emotions and feelings tell us something.

They are necessary.

They are not dangerous.

They teach us, if we let them.

Judging our feelings or emotions, or trying to talk ourselves out of having them IS dangerous.

By doing so, we are just suppressing them.

For me, picture that symbolic closet that I had been shoving my feelings and emotions into for 42 years.

That closet is going to break open at some point.

Naming our feelings and emotions is important.

It helps me, personally, to feel more in-control of myself.

I feel extremely uncomfortable when I am unable to name my emotions.

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to figure out what the heck it is I am feeling, T has to be the one to name them for me.

Once we can name them, we can ask ourselves what we can do with them.

Sometimes, we just need to acknowledge how we are feelings.

Validate those feelings and then let it go.

Sometimes, we need to acknowledge, validate and do something with it.
For instance - set up boundaries, get out of a situation, cry, get some rest, go for a walk, write a letter (whether we send it or not), exercise, talk to someone, meditate, check in with a kitchen cabinet person or a therapist, begin therapy, talk to a doctor, etc.

Being sad is valid.

Be sad.

Cry.

Talk to someone you trust.

Write down everything in your head and your heart.

Being angry is valid.

Be mad.

Breathe.

Set up boundaries.

Re-center yourself.

Write down your feelings.

Stay safe.

Feeling betrayed is valid.

I often cry when I feel betrayed.

Don't try to understand why - you never will.

Instead, talk to a trusted person.

Validate yourself.

Set up serious boundaries.

Being joyful is valid.

Smile.

Sing.

Dance.

Show gratitude.

Being tired is valid.

Close your eyes.

Rest.

Meditate.

Stretch your body.

Read a book.

Listen to music.

Don't judge yourself.

Feeling hurt is valid.

Cry.

Be mad.

Write down your feelings.

Don't try to understand and don't judge yourself.

Talk to a trusted person.

Talk to a therapist.

If you don't have a therapist, I suggest everyone at least know of one that they would talk to if needed.

Having a therapist is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of health and understanding.

Attached are some charts that name emotions and feelings.

I find these charts super helpful in my moments of confusion when I can only say that I "feel bad."

Have a trusted person.

If you don't have a trusted person, please get a therapist that you trust and that you are willing to be completely vulnerable with.