Can I get an Amen all up in here?! Part of my process addiction is ALWAYS looking for projects. How can I make other people feel validated, the way I never felt? I will help those people to feel better than I was ever made to feel! I will fix those people who are broken, because I can't fix myself.
This was how I went through life - always looking for projects so that I could feel better somehow, some way. The problem is that I can't fix anyone but myself. The problem is that I had no idea how to do that until one year ago.
Mike and I have spoken often about how if we had tried dating all of those 27 times I ditched him, it would not have worked out because neither of us was ready. We were both on our own journeys through counseling and therapy and figuring out ourselves so that we could figure out life. Now, we are equals. We take care of ourselves AND each other. There is no project. There is just active love.
Addiction amazes me every single day. It is something that truly takes away agency. It absolutely changes your brain and the way that it works. It changes the way that a person operates on a daily basis. There is this strange cloud-like environment that an addict lives in - always trying to be okay. And never being okay because you ARE NOT okay until you do the work to be okay. And prior to doing the work, you actually have to know that you are not okay. Process addictions are no different than chemical addictions in this way.
How amazing it is to understand my addiction, to understand from where it came and to have the tools to actively work through that addiction every single day, with an equal partner.
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