Me is Amazing

My self esteem is on the struggle bus lately.

I have gained ten pounds.

Now, before y'all start rolling your eyes ... let me explain.

I'm an addict.

One addiction that I've had most of my life is an eating disorder.

It has been held at bay for a good ten years, but it is rearing it's ugly head in ways that I'm aware of.

I'm definitely not back into my eating disorder.

But I am back into the self-thoughts that I've always had.

Combine a past eating disorder with an addiction to validation and it's not a good mix.

I have not been kind to myself with self talk as of late.

I feel disgusting physically.

Disgusting.

And that is what I tell myself when I look in the mirror, which I try not to do.

Mike tells me 100 times a day that I am beautiful, that I'm sexy, that my hips and my butt are perfect, that my legs are strong, that there is no more beautiful woman in the world.

What more validation could a girl want?

Well, that's the thing about an addiction to validation.

You see, my validation needs to come from myself.

I know Mike loves me.

I know that he loves every single part of me.

He tells me.

He shows me.

He does everything that a person could ever want or need.

But, I'm not giving myself validation.

Until I remember and REALLY believe my worth as is, I am going to struggle with me.

So, it's back to self affirmations.

It's back to praying to Heavenly Father to allow myself to see me as He does.

It's back to doing the things that make me feel good: self affirmations, eating healthier and working out.

Until then, 

We really are enough.