Triggers

One of the most important parts of being an addict is recognizing what your triggers are and when you are having them...

Then to be able to have self-awareness and be able to work through them.

Yesterday, while we were at the gym, I saw Perry's sister-in-law walk in.

I have never seen her at the gym.

I haven't actually seen her in person since the funeral.

For some reason, it triggered SO much in me.

I didn't tell Mike about it until after we left the gym.

Instead, I was very happy to let him kick my booty at the gym.

After each exercise, I asked him what was next.

I was fine to just work out all day long if needed.

I kept glancing over at her...

As if I'd see him appear if I just kept looking at her.

So I did.

Knowing, really, all along that he wasn't going to appear.

But I wanted him to.

In those moments at the gym, I felt anxious and sad and angry and frustrated and emotional and hurt and all the things.

I felt all the things!!

We went home, I made myself a protein shake, then went outside into the sunshine whilst listening to a meditation.

When I went inside, I told Mike that I was having serious anxiety and that I needed to lay down.

Then, two hours later, I told him why.

He understood, completely, as he always does.

He told me to lay down and he'd take care of everything, as he always does.

Triggers can be ANYTHING.

Large crowds of people (me).

Certain anniversaries (me).

Yelling. Certain responses. (me).

Altitude changes. (me)

Water in my face. 

Loud noises like fireworks (me).

Seeing certain people or hearing their voices.

There are several more listed below.

It's VERY important to go through these things with yourself and your children so that you KNOW what your triggers are, how much of an emotional change they give to you, and then what to do when you are triggered.