Whack-a-Mole

On my way home from work last night, I was thinking out loud about addiction.

In particular, I was thinking about this game and addiction.

Whack-a-mole.

You know the game - 

The one at Chuck-e-Cheese where you try to whack the mole every time it pops up from a hole.

The one where you have to keep all of the holes full of the moles.

Heaven forbid a mole pop up that you don't get to fast enough...

Then how will you buy that overpriced toy at the counter that you now don't have enough tickets for.

I've seen people get straight-up violent while whacking the moles.

Addiction is all about quickly - like lightening fast - trying to keep those holes full.

If you have a hole in your soul from sadness or fear or anger or confusion or just plain discomfort - you MUST fill that hole and you must do it as fast as possible so that you don't have to feel anything.

On my way home last night, I was thinking about how I already miss my boys, who are in Sandy with my Dad for the Halloween weekend.

We will join up with them tomorrow and Saturday and they will be home Sunday.

But, I realized while driving home that I have never really allowed myself to miss my boys when they are gone for a sleepover with grandparents, or off to scout camp, or on an overnighter.

I didn't want to feel, so I filled up that hole in any way I could.

That is addiction.

Instead, last night, I sat with it. I missed them so I thought about them.

I thanked God, out loud, for them.

I bought the deodorant and body wash that they put on the grocery list.

And, I thought about them some more.

I let myself just miss my kids.

This is progress.

A lot of progress.

Progress worthy of journaling about.

I am discovering that holes exist.

It's okay.

We are actually supposed to feel sadness, anger, hurt, fear, confusion, discomfort.

Feelings teach us and prepare us and warn us.

Feelings are good.

We don't have to fill them automatically just because the game of life tells us that we shouldn't feel.

Someone asked me yesterday, "What is the thing that you think all humans should know?"
I think that all humans should KNOW and OWN and live within their worth, their value.

We all need to know and own that we have a divine nature.

We were born with it.

It is not up for discussion.

If every human could know, understand, and live within that worth and value - this world would be better.

Imagine if no one questioned their value, thus not questioning anyone else's value...

That would be amazing.