Loss

Dear Friends,

The reality of loss is real.

There is no map for loss.

There is no schedule or agenda for loss.

It just is.

We try to figure out how to navigate the dark, windy path.

We look for signs and landmarks that look familiar to help us to get to where we need to go.

I have been in contact with my Katryna over the past week.

I am forcing myself to acknowledge the feelings and the thoughts.

I am forcing myself to acknowledge ME.

As an addict of validation, I hear the words in this very loud and clear...

The needing for someone to validate my feelings.

However, I am validating my own feelings now.

Heidi, you are scared and that's OK.

Heidi, you are so sad and that's OK.

What should we do with this?

Chelsi says I should turn on music and dance.

So, I do.

I danced to Footloose in my kitchen last night while Gus watched...

Heidi, you are SO angry, and that's going to be OK even though it doesn't feel OK.

Heidi, you are really pissed off, and that's OK. But, what do I do?

I go to the gym.

I say the F word out loud a LOT in about 30 minutes.

I yell in my car.

LOUD.

And, it's okay.