Weekly Summarization By Me

Friday.

Welcome to you, Friday!

This is my weekly round-up. 

By me.

1. I didn't run. I DID NOT run. I stayed in. I stayed all-in. 

I felt everything.

All of it.

And, rather than seeking peace or validation or distraction from any humans -

I sought out my Heavenly Father, my therapists, my kitchen cabinet people and I stayed in.

2. Being at the bottom of the human revine gives us the opportunity to enter into holy places with God. There is not a soul on Planet Earth who can bring us peace, who can map out a path for us, who can give us the tangible, physical comfort that God can.

When we are in serious trauma; when we are going through the hardest, most sad, most heart-wrenching times of our life; when we feel broken, shattered, unable to go on; when we cannot see beyond this moment... we have the ability, the very sacred ability to form a relationship with God.

3. Don't forget this feeling. I have done a lot of internal audits over the last two weeks. Some have looked like, "Heidi, you are going to go in this store. You are going to be safe. You are worthy to be here. Your feet are touching the ground.  You are okay." Others have looked like, "Heidi, don't ever lose this spiritual high." While others have looked like, "Heidi. One more breath."

But, all of them have looked like, "Heidi, don't forget this feeling right now. Don't forget that you lived through anger. Don't forget that you cried through sadness. Don't forget that you went to that store and you came out alive. Don't forget that Heavenly Father IS aware of you, He has put in place every single human who you need right now, He loves your boys, He has given you prayer, meditation, scriptures, and peace. Don't forget this peace."

4. I am eating. I have had two nights of sleep that were good. I am exercising my body. I am working. I am cleaning my home. I am doing the things. I have created boundaries for myself and if people don't like them, that's okay. I am not here to create boundaries for them. I am here to create boundaries for me. I am unafraid to share my story. It's ugly. It is an ugly story. But, it is my story and my story is worthy.