Born Again

I'm an addict.

I am a validation addict.

It is a process addiction.

I am in recovery, and have been for two years.

As a validation addict, my ONLY concern becomes pleasing everyone else.

As a validation addict, my MAIN concern is pleasing those who should have loved me anyways.

As a validation addict, the constant journey to please those people creates a loss in agency.

And in joy.

And in reality.

And in knowing who I even am.

Imagine 42 years of this.

Constantly trying to please those who I was so desperate to receive love from.

When recovery began, along with intense therapy, I learned slowly how to take a hiatus from all of that.

From the notion that I was here to please PEOPLE.

From the idea that I wasn't good enough unless I was being exactly who they wanted me to be.

From the exhaustive efforts of doing this day in and day out.

I learned that my worth was not up to anyone.

My worth was concrete.

I didn't need to please anyone.

I then created boundaries for myself and for others.

And with that, I was truly born again.

Learning WHO I am.

Depending on WHOSE I am.

Living in all of that.