Babes!!
Recently, I heard Coach Brooke Snow talking about a situational event with one of her children.
The story she tells is one that any parent can tell on any day at most any time. Her children were fighting. She was wanting to tell them to "knock it off," "cut it out," "STOPPPP IT!!!" But she paused. She looked at her son and, instead of telling him to pull himself together, told him WHO HE WAS: smart, kind, capable of making the right choices.
Soon after hearing this, I had the opportunity to try this out for myself. My favorite nine year old was playing war with three of his big brothers. He was upset that one of them had a Nerf gun. The rest of them were just throwing nerf darts. He felt like this was super unfair. He began to pout and yell and even cried. I found him by himself in the front room. He was sitting on the floor, having what I like to call a "party for one." 
(I have these pretty often myself!)
(I have these pretty often myself!)I said, "Oh my gosh! I am SO proud of you! You knew that you needed a little break and you took it! You are smart! You GET to decide if you want to continue to play with Brothers or sit this one out! I know you'll do the right thing!" Then I walked away.
Within minutes, he had picked up his darts and continued to play... this time without pouting or whining or yelling or crying. I think he even won.
I noticed an immediate change in his demeaner. By telling him WHO he is, rather than what to do, he felt empowered! Bonus... I felt good, too! I didn't feel annoyed or irritated or like I needed to put my dang self in timeout!
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