Heidi Rae Coaching - Holiday Check-in

Babes!

This is a Holiday Check-in! How are you doing? I mean, really doing. How do you feel? Are you aware of your thoughts and your emotions? Regardless of our individual circumstances, the holidays are hard for most of us. Some might feel insufficient in their gift-giving due to financial strain. Some might feel left out from events with friends, co-workers, and/or family. Some might feel the very real pain of being separated from loved ones. Others might be grieving loss or tragedy or heartache. ALL of these are valid.

If you are a validation addict, like Yours Truly, you might be having thoughts of envy, strife, sadness, fear, anger, frustration, confusion, or just simply not being enough.

May I offer just a couple of suggestions that help me?

Check your vitals consistently (meaning multiple times through the day). Everyone may have different "vitals." Mine include: Moving my body, Drinking water, Eating what makes my body feel good, Physical touch, Sleep, and Sunlight or UV rays.

I often ask myself what it is that I need in order to feel my best in that moment, even if the moment is not the best. Doing these things helps to bring me back to where I need to be in order to process my emotions.

Boundaries. They are yours, and yours only, to set and to maintain. You get to choose what is good for you and what is not.

Show yourself grace. You belong. Just as you are. In my reading, whilst on the treadmill last night, a few sentences struck me hard. Tears welled up in my eyes and I quickly took a screenshot and sent it to my Miss Birdie. To paraphrase, "God knows you perfectly. He loves you. You are good enough and you've got this." I believe each sentence to be fact.

Reach out. You are not alone.

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Holiday Special

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Not Okay

Babes!!

Spoiler alert: It IS totally okay to not be okay. But, read on.

I think that we tend to think that if we are not okay, we are not going to be okay. I think that we tend to think that if we have "messed up," it's over for us... like, there's no coming back.

NOTE: Sometimes it is imperative that we seek out medical expertise. Depression, anxiety, other physical and mental medical issues may be in play and medication is critical. And that is OKAY!

Exhibit #1: Me. Katryna said something to me one day in therapy. "Heidi, time is all you have." She was telling me that as long as I am here, on this Earth, I can do better. I can be better. I can make choices and changes. I get to be whoever I decide to be. And so do you!

Not "being okay" is literally human. Things are hard. Feelings and emotions and physical ailments are exhausting. Sometimes we might think that we aren't living up to our potential. Sometimes we might feel like we are a disappointment. I've been told I'm a disappointment! We may think that we could have, should have done better at something or with someone.

So long as we are still breathing, we still have every opportunity to be okay... even if we don't feel okay today.

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Not a Life Sentence

Babes!!

I messed up BIG yesterday. Like, extra large - big mess up. Like, I had a hard time sleeping last night extra large big mess up. Like, I feel embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, sad... ALL the feelings that come with extra large big mess ups that take hold of our minds and mess up our sleeping and eating and performing well at anything for a while!

I have zero excuses for what I did. I was just plain wrong. I was totally in my false self. I behaved badly for about 15-20 seconds and I feel awful. In order to move forward and be in my true self, I'm having to work through this... not around it, not over it or under it, not by turning my back on it and pretending it didn't actually happen... I have to work through it.

Good news: I am FULLY aware of what I did. I am aware that what I did was wrong. I am aware that there is no excuse for behaving poorly.

More good news: I have amaze-a-balls people in my village who listen and love and talk me through things when I can't quite talk through them with my darn self.

One of those people handed me a post-it note this morning that read, "It's a lesson, not a life sentence." Oh, how true this is. Did I learn a lesson? Oh, yes. Am I aware of what I did wrong? Yup! Do lessons sometimes suck a LOT? Most of the time! Can I be a better person for having learned this lesson? Absofreakinglutely!

Babes, we are going to be ridiculously ridiculous multiple times throughout our lives. We are going to suck the suck. We are going to look for the biggest possible rock ever to hide under. We are going to WISH we could get our feet up to our face to stick in our mouths!

Lessons are meant to be learned. They are meant to show us our weaknesses, our poor choices, the basements of our strengths... Learn it and be better for it.

It's a lesson, not a life sentence.

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Make Your Bed

Babes!!

Story Time.

When I finally understood what had happened with my brain, I can remember sobbing all night long in the ICU. I felt helpless, and therefore hopeless. As I tried to picture my future, it looked bleak. How was I going to do all the things? And by, "all the things," I mean everything.

The morning after my one-person pitty party, I was still in a state of shock, fear, sadness, confusion, frustration, and paralysis. However, I focused on doing what I could with what I had. A few days later, I was transferred to IMC... the NeuroTrauma Rehab Unit. I was still wheelchair bound. I was still paralyzed on my left side. I was not able to see out of my left eye, or swallow food or drink. I was still put in a sling that hung from the ceiling and moved to the toilet like Peter Pan flying through my 12th floor room. I was still being given monkey baths by hospital staff. BUT, I was determined to do what I could.

The second day at IMC, they amazing physical therapy team came in with occupational therapy and taught me how to transfer from my bed to my wheelchair and from my wheelchair to my bed. It was an hours-long process to teach me and then for my brain to compute what I had to do. But, eventually I got it. This made me somewhat mobile.

My therapy team put my schedule for the next day on my wall-mounted calendar every night. My calendar was in 30-minute blocks. My therapy started every morning at 9 am. Every 30-minute block was scheduled until 6 pm every day. So, I filled in my own schedule starting every day at 7 am. I would wake up. Rand would help me transfer to my wheelchair. I'd transfer from my wheelchair to the toilet. I would then wheel my darn self back into my room with my right hand and I would make my bed from my wheelchair with my right hand. It took a long time, but I did it every single morning. Then Rand would help me get dressed and pull my hair back into an elastic. By 8:30, I was ready for breakfast.

This very small task of making my bed by myself every morning was exactly what I needed. I was no longer helpless, and therefore no longer hopeless. My room looked clean when my bed was made. I had a routine when I made my bed. I was doing something independently by making my bed. Yes, it took what seemed like forever, but I did it. Every single morning.

When our lives seem overwhelming and simply getting out of bed takes all we have, we can make our beds. We can put our pillows where they "belong." We can do that one thing every day to show ourselves that we are not helpless or hopeless. We are capable. We are strong. We are moving forward. We've got this!!

#strokesurvivor #weareenough #wearecapable #coaching

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - All The Things

Babes!!

Life... right?! Come in close for this one.

I have the tools. I have the resources. I have the experience. I have the knowledge. I have the worth. I have the same amount of time in every single day as every other person on Planet Earth. And yet, I ALLOW (agency) to let things slip. I allow myself to get distracted with sparkly things, right?! I allow my time and energy to be spent doing things that are literally just taking up space.

Annnnnd, then I wonder why I'm not quite feeling myself. I beat myself up. I get upset with other people, as if it's their fault that my choices are taking away from me feeling like me. Examples: Maybe I've let my boundaries slip. Maybe I'm not doing my vitals every single dang day. Maybe I'm not getting the amount of sleep that my body needs. Maybe I'm not eating food that makes my body and my brain happy, rather than icky. There are so many things that can cause us to go from true self to false self in a flash.

So, this week I wrote out a contract. An actual contract, People. A contract between me and myself. I typed it out with paragraphs for things such as, "Definition of Performance," "Time of Performance," "Compensation," "Consequences of Failure to Perform." I signed and dated the dang thing and, if I'm being a bit dramatic, I'm a real-life, bonded notary... I could have notarized the dang thing to make it three of my own signatures on this not-so-legal contract, but I stopped right before I did that. You're welcome.

I realized that I needed accountability to myself to do my daily vitals. It is no one else's job to hold me accountable. It is my job. I know the tools. I have the resources. I reap the benefits of doing my vitals every single day. I feel like crap when I don't. So, I put together a contract to hold myself responsible.

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Choosing Your Peers

Babes!!

This seems like a no-brainer, right? Like, of course we can choose our peers. Of course we can choose who we spend our time with, who we share ourselves in a transparent way with, who we give our energy to...

But, I want you to think a little deeper here with me for a moment. This morning as I was listening to a few interviews with Jordan Peterson, he touched on something that was profound. It hit me. Pretty hard, actually. He was talking about reading books, studying people of all walks of life, from all generations in time. He mentioned that these people, who he has never met and most of whom have graduated from this life, are his peers. By choice. They are people who he chooses to learn from, spend "time" with, study, and incorporate into his life by giving energy to their words and their thoughts. I fell in love with this right away.

Story time:

Once I got to IMC after the stroke, there was a glass board in my room. As part of my pretty rigid schedule (on purpose), Rand would read to me for 20 minutes every day after lunch. He would read from lots of books, but he always read from The Tao. Then, he would ask me what one word stuck out to me and we would write it on the glass board. He'd wheel me up to the board and I'd write it. This became a pretty powerful board, as you might imagine. And it was powerful to not only me, and Rand, but to everyone who walked by the room.

Back to Jordan Peterson and this thoughts, The Tao became my peer. As I read about my sweet Grandma Robb, she is my peer. As I read Marjorie Hinckley's words, she is my peer. We get to choose our peers! Dead or alive.

It's this beautiful thing, really... choosing whose words we allow in our minds.

PS.. picture of the board in my room is in the comments.

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - It's Okay If Things Don't Go As Planned

Babes!

I learned something new about myself... or at least I became much more self aware of it. I am a planner. I am organized. I am a list-making, six calendar keeping, everything needs to be perfect kind of gal. Fast forward to the spoiler alert: NOTHING is ever perfect! No matter how many lists I make, or the length of the spreadsheet I create, or the number of times I go over how it's all supposed to work out in the end... it's NEVER going to be perfect.

Dang it, right?! Here's the trick: I challenge you to, rather than sulking in the fact that it didn't turn out perfect, look at what amazing things came about because it didn't go as you had planned.

And check in with me down in the comments... what cool things did you discover?