Babes!
The holidays are a funny time, aren't they? For Kaydon in the Dominican Republic, it's actually a very dangerous time. They are required to stay in their apartments for longer periods of time due to increased violence. They don't have Christmas trees where he is, or decorations. It's hot and muggy; not at all like the cold, snowy Decembers here.
For Jackson, it's about making new traditions with his little family. Isis's family has very traditional Mexican traditions which are fun and wonderful. Colton gets to be a part of them as well.
For Braxton, it's about preparing for a new reality in the upcoming year with a baby on the way. It's about sharing time with Mia's family as well.
Last night, I had a very real moment where I spent time with my emotions and my feelings. The physical, outward response to my emotions was sobbing for a long period of time. Alone.
I realized that in my validation addiction, I have sought a seat at a table. For years, I have longed for a seat at a table. As I listen to my children's plans for the holidays, they include a visit to the home where I grew up. No such invitation will be given to me.
As I tried to work through the feelings that this truth creates in me, I tried to find comfort in the fact that there is a universal table of sorts... that even though I can't see it, or feel it, or pull a realistic seat up to it, I have hope that there is a table to which we are all invited.
The holidays are a time when movies are watched that include families sitting around tables together, reminiscing and laughing and bonding. The holidays are a time when you see families out shopping, light-watching, tree-finding, and gather to eat.
If you are someone who, during these times, is watching all of this while feeling alone, please know that I see you. I hear you. And, even though we can't see it or pull an actual chair up to it - I have to believe that there is a table to which we are all invited, welcomed, and loved.
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