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Validation Addiction is a tricky one, Babes!!
The opinions of others are not only all-consuming in your thoughts, but they are the guide by which you live your life. The intense NEED to make other people proud of you, or make other people like you is debilitating. Your sense of self is lost in the translation of what you believe others want of, and from, you. You cease to be you.
Exhausting.
Everything you do. The way you dress. The way you talk. The music you listen to. The weight you could quite literally die to sustain. The relationships you do, or do not, form. It is all based on the opinions of others. The job you have. The schooling you have, or don’t have. The way you raise your kids. The way you walk and talk and how high you jump.
Exhausting.
Recovery from Validation Addiction is also a tricky one, but the best kind of trick ever! It’s how we rewire our brains to understand that their opinions don’t actually matter.
Insert storyline from “You are Special,” by Max Lucado. Remember Lucia?! None of the Wemmick stickers stuck because she didn’t care what the Wemmicks thought. She only cared what Eli thought and Eli doesn’t make mistakes. Once Punchinello understood that, he rewired his brain and began to believe that their opinion of him didn’t matter either. As soon as he believed that, the stickers fell off of him… one by one.
Like Punchinello, we can believe in our value as is and the weight of the stickers (their opinions of us) will fall off. One by one. It doesn’t mean they won’t try to put stickers on you. They will. It doesn’t mean that some of those stickers won’t stick. Some will. It doesn’t mean that the heaviness of those few stickers won’t make you feel overwhelmed and cause you to question your worth. They will. But, one by one they will fall and you will feel lighter and less overwhelmed by their weight.
Less exhausting.
You will learn all about you. YOU will decide what you do, how you dress, how you talk, what music you love. You will decide what is healthy for your body, what relationships to be in, what job feels the best to you. You will validate yourself. You will trust yourself. You will set boundaries and determine if where you are at is good enough for you.
Pretty fun.
You will learn to let them judge you, misunderstand you, talk about you. You will realize that you no longer need to pull a chair up to that table. You get to choose what table you sit at, and I hope you choose the one that doesn’t talk about you when you walk away. I hope you never doubt your worth. I hope you stay authentically you. I hope you live your truth and that you live it to the fullest.
Exhilarating.
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