Heidi Rae Coaching - Holiday Reminders

Dearest Beauties,

This is just a little reminder that no matter what you are feeling during this holly jolly season, it's okay. It's valid. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness or comfort. And, you are the only one responsible for yours.

If you are not comfortable going somewhere, you get to choose not to go. If you are not comfortable in someone's presence, you get to choose not to be. If you are sad, that's okay. If you are tired, that's okay. If you are filled with emotions that you don't quite understand, or cannot yet articulate, that's okay. Take your time.

You are enough, just how you are. You are loved, by more people than you might think.

XOXOXO

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Mindfulness

Beauties!!

I want to talk about my favorite lesson so far - Mindfulness.Mindfulness is about NOT judging ourselves while staying more aware of our thoughts, feelings, and experiences in the present.

"It's natural to try to feel good - and avoid negative emotions like stress, sadness, or fear of missing out. (enter in validation addiction) That's why it's easier to dig into an ice cream sundae (a momentary positive)... The problem is that our emotions are short-lived. And those fleeting good feelings from downing a sundae can quickly sour when we realize we strayed from a goal. And then those negative feelings can once again leave us searching for another temporary positive." Noom

*The ice cream sundae is just an example of a momentary positive that we might seek. It could also be control or a relationship or a drug or spending or whatever.

While our default setting when feeling overwhelmed might be avoidance or running (and not the exercise kind), stress is unavoidable! "Negative" feelings are sometimes unavoidable.

When we are mindful about our present, we are actually protecting ourselves! We are addressing "negative" feelings head-on, working through them rather than avoiding them or running to a momentary positive. "Mindfulness gives us the information we need to change our habits and better handle stressors and other emotions, to face our problems instead of running from them, and to thrive - even if our lives are in chaos!" Noom

"If it's out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind too." Ivan Nuru

I love the quote that I attached as well! Mindfulness is HARD when you begin practicing it after living four decades running! But, the practice of it is so worth it. It changes us!

Be aware. Be, be aware!

XOXOXO

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Acknowledging Stressors

Beauties!

How many of you find yourself being scared of what stresses you out? How many of you just want to pretend like you aren't stressed... "I've never been better," or, "Fake it 'til you make it," or "It's all good!" (I'm raising my hand WITH you!)

Surprise! This is not healthy. We obviously don't want to just wallow in our stressors. We want to acknowledge our stress, define it, tune into it, and do something about it. There are so many ways to do this. When I was learning about mindful meditation while at IMC, healing from my stroke, there was a guided meditation that I loved!

The basic idea was to envision your stressor. For this example, let's say that work is our stressor. I would envision a large sign that said, "WORK." I would imagine that I was sitting at the head of a dinner table. I acknowledged everyone at my table. WORK was there, too. I would then envision myself saying something like, "Hello, WORK. I see you sitting there. I see that you've brought quite a bit of baggage that you've put onto my table. WORK, you are welcome to be here. However, I am no longer going to allow you to take up space that you aren't paying rent for. You can sit there, but you're going to need to take all of that heavy baggage off of my table. I will no longer allow you to take up all of that space." Guided meditation takes practice, and it takes repetition.

I also love this idea:

We are still using the example of work being our stressor.

USE your commute time to acknowledge that work is a stressor, validate your feelings, and flip the switch.

1. Recall: Think of one thing during your work day that made you smile, or that went well. (I do this exercise out loud - yes, I totally talk to myself whilst in the car!)

2. Reflect: Think about YOUR choices during the work day. What choices made it a good day, or a not-so-good day.

3. Consider: (Remember the "Next Time, I will..." exercise?) Consider what you can do differently in the future if a similar thing takes place. Can you disengage with someone? Can you wake up 15 minutes earlier to ensure you are on time? Can you get up and move your body each hour? Can you keep a notebook to write down hard things that are happening during your time, then schedule a venting 15 minutes each day to go over what you wrote down in the notebook?

Exercises like these validate your feelings of stress. These are not going to eliminate stress from your life. Stress is part of life. However, we can work with it rather than pushing it aside and letting it build.

XOXOXO

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Imposter Syndrome

Hello, Beauties!

Yesterday was my hair appointment. Marlena and I had such a great conversation about this topic. I wanted to share some insights and a few lessons I learned from her!

I've talked a lot about our worth. Yours and Mine. We are born with it. There is nothing that we can do, or not do, to increase or decrease our worth. It just is. Great news, right?!

Well, it's one thing to know that. And I know that. I know that's true. It's another thing to really believe it, and live in it!

As many of you know, I was a single mama of four amazing boys for a long time. It was the five of us. We had beds, a couch, a kitchen table & chairs and makeshift dressers. That was it. And we were SO grateful for every little thing we had!

Nowadays, things are a bit different. I feel like I have imposter syndrome a LOT. This is where our conversation came in.

Here are some examples, and SUCH a good way of keeping ourselves out of imposter syndrome (false self) and in our worth (true self):

Example:

I shouldn't be at this restaurant. These people are rich, wearing brands I've never heard of, drinking wine I've never heard of, driving cars that cost more than three years of my salary...

Ask yourself:

What are the requirements to eat here, Self?

- Ability to pay the bill

That's it. That is the requirement to be able to eat there. You have to be able to pay the bill. End of story.

Example:

B bought me a pair of Sorel boots last year for winter. I wanted to return them right away. I hadn't worn "new" shoes for a very, very long time. Everything I wore, including shoes, were new USED clothes. Second-hand clothes. I saw the price and felt UNworthy and guilty for wearing them!

Ask yourself:

What are the requirements to wear these boots, Self?

- Burke paid for them

- They fit my feet

Done. That's it. Burke wanted me to have a nice, warm, sturdy pair of boots. He wanted to get those for me. I have two feet. The boots fit. He paid for them. End of story.

Example:

I haven't worked out for a minute. I've gained 18 pounds in the last year. I can't go to the gym. (these were actual thoughts I was having about a month ago)

Ask yourself:

What are the requirements for going to the gym?

- Pay for the membership

NO one at the gym cares that you haven't been there for a while. They don't even know. NO one at the gym stops and thinks, "My goodness, for sure that girl has gained 18 pounds!" And who cares if they do?! Everyone at the gym has their own struggles, their own insecurities, their own goals. I paid my membership, so I deserve to be there just as much as everyone else there to paid for theirs.

Beauties, we are worthy to live in our worth. If you are struggling with guilt or imposter syndrome, take a minute to ask yourself what the requirements are for that thing or that place. If you meet the requirements, you're in!

XOXOXO