A Word About Addiction

Addiction is defined as the condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing or activity.

This is reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors. Addiction is characterized by inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavior control, craving, diminished recognition of significant problems with one's behaviors and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response. Like other chronic diseases, addiction often involves cycles of relapse and remission.

Hi. I'm Heidi.

I'm an addict.

Types of addictions:

Substances (alcohol, tobacco, opioids, prescription drugs, cocaine, amphetamines, hallucinogens, inhalants, phencyclidine, etc.)

Impulse Control Disorders (intermittent explosive disorder, kleptomania, pyromania, gambling, etc.)

Behavioral (food, sex, pornography, computers, internet, phones, gaming, working, exercising, pain-seeking, cutting, shopping, spiritual obsession, attention from the opposite sex, etc.)

Heey!

I'm Heidi and I'm an addict!

I NEVER EVER imagined that my behavior was an addiction.

I didn't. 

I just defined myself as broken, someone else's used garbage, unworthy, unlovable, hopeless.

Imagine my SHOCK when I heard the word "addiction" during my impromptu intervention.

Listen, People.

You could say I was addicted to the show, Intervention.

That would be correct and I would be fully on-board with that diagnosis.

Ironic?

Probably.

I would binge watch that show like Scooby Doo binges on scooby snacks. 

No joke.

On my first day of treatment, I asked my therapist if there was any hope for me because I was sure no one else on the planet had the same addiction as me.

She laughed.

That's one of the hundreds of reasons why I love her.

She laughs AT me, People. Not with me. AT me!

I took that as a "Yes, I have hope for you my prideful little project."

But the reason I loved her right away was this: 

She told me my first homework assignment was to find a 12-step group.

Then she told me that she had attended one. 

I figured she meant as the leader - you know she's a shrink and all.
Wrong again!

She attended one not too long ago on her own because she was worried about a particular character flaw in herself.

I was sold. 

To the lady in the black desk chair. 

Addiction is real.

Listening to my brother describe me as an addict to our clergyman was both alarming and heart-breaking.

I had no idea.

Listening to him describe my children's current feelings was absolutely devastating.

And, because I was finally at rock bottom - like I was the grains of the Earth that people wipe their feet on - I was able to really hear what he was saying.

This is a marathon.

Which sucks because I really don't like running at all - unless I'm in active shooter training.

On the other hand, marathons are a bit more lenient on the whole walking thing as opposed to a sprint where NO ONE walks. Like, it's not a thing. And you have to go fast and stuff. I'm not a sprinter at heart.

I prefer walking.

And, I'm great at hills!

That's a bonus.

Plus, they probably don't frown upon doing it barefoot.

That would be against the laws of sprinting, I'm pretty sure.

Oh, and they offer complimentary beverages and snacks to people along the way. 

BONUS!!

It turns out I'm definitely more of a marathoner - a long-hauler, a this-could-take-the-rest-of-my-lifer and that's okay.