Step 4 = My Worst Nightmare

The 12-Step Program has 12 steps.

Imagine that.

Step One: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

Step Two: Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.

Step Three: Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Nailed it!

Seriously, once a girl is laying at Rock Bottom (which would be a "place" if it were on Wheel of Fortune), step one looked like me jumping into deep end from the high dive as if I knew how to swim!

Step two and step three were just as painless for me.

Let's face it, People - I was READY for recovery. 

And, you have to be ready for this sort of thing because these big jobs are going to leave a mark!

Then, step four pops up in the ole workbook this week.

Step Four: Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of yourself.

And this was my thought:

...

Now, in case you were wondering - that's just the topic sentence of step four.

This step goes into four pages of written instruction on exactly what a moral inventory is, how we should detail it, what should be detailed, who should read it (for real) and as if that weren't enough - it needs to be completely thorough, with information from every facet of our lives.

Yeah, no.

It also tells us of how some people in the program would literally skip this step (no kidding, really?!?!) and then fail the program and relapse. 

Well, shit.

Now, it's not that I don't believe in the importance of this step.

I get it.

It even says, "Your thoughts, feelings and beliefs are actually the roots of your addictive behaviors... Unless you examine all of your tendencies toward pride, fear, resentment, anger, self-will, and self-pity, your abstinence will be shaky at best. You will continue with your original addiction or switch to another one. Your addiction is a symptom of other causes and conditions."

So, my stubborn self started with pages that have titles according to my ages.

They are in a binder.

It's a start, People.