Sometimes It's About The Small Things

Yesterday, I was having lots of feelings and emotions.

I wasn't quite sure what they were or what they were from or why I was having them.

So, I prayed to God to help me to know what they were and if I needed to do anything with them.

I prayed most of the day... throughout the day.

I was not happy.

But I didn't feel like I was sad.

Or angry.

Or scared.

Or hurt.

(I am still in the generalization of feelings and emotions phase)

I hadn't scheduled myself to dash last night. 

Therefore, it would be a gym night.

But when I got home, I made dinner and then realized it was a lay down in bed kind of night.

I was tired.

Exhausted.

In every way.

Physically, emotionally, mentally... exhausted.

It was that simple, really.

I didn't need to make a big story out of just being tired.

I wasn't lonely.

I wasn't scared.

I wasn't hurt.

I wasn't sad.

I was simply tired.

We all have good days,

And bad days,

And overwhelming days,

And tired days,

And awesome days, 

And days when we feel so bad that we are not sure we can go on.

These are all NORMAL days and part of our existence and they are OK.

From June 24th, on, I literally wondered if I would be able to get through this..

Recovery, re-vamping, re-doing, doing period, trying, trying again, being, living...

I was absolutely terrified of disappointing people, letting people down, letting myself down...

Failing.

I haven't failed.

I haven't let myself down.

I haven't let my kids down.

I haven't stopped trying or doing or being.

I haven't failed.