More Aware

This quote really has nothing to do with this post, but I love it so much!!

I have been adding to my prayers this plea: 

Heavenly Father, please help me to be aware of things that are not for me.

Praying for this has done a lot of things for me:

I am far more aware of others and what their behavior might be telling me.

I am far more aware of others and how their behaviors and beliefs fit in with mine.

I am far more aware of how I, personally, behave in regards to my beliefs.

I am disappointed in myself.

Now, that last line is important.

I do feel disappointment in my actions at times.

That is a GOOD thing!

That means I am aware and learning and going through the very long process of recovery and self-discovery!

It has also brought me to my knees for that very thing - gratitude in my ability to learn and fix.

However, I have noticed some things about myself that are disappointing!

Thus, fixable.

For instance:

Recently I had a conversation with someone.

This person was "surprised" that I had gone to church that day.

When I asked why they would be surprised by that, they asked if I believed in it.

I told them that I did.

They rolled their eyes and said, "It's all a hoax."

I said something out loud about how I was saddened that they wouldn't respect my beliefs, that I respected their opinions, but that I hoped it would be mutual.

Then... I really thought about that conversation.

I felt disrespected by this person's comments.

However, there have been many times where my own actions showed disrespect of my beliefs.

That has been a great lesson to me.

I am so grateful to be more aware of myself and my surroundings and what is okay and what is not okay.

Now... let's talk about addiction, shall we?

I have a co-worker who has been dieting and working out.

This person has lost 65 pounds.

SIXTY FIVE pounds.

That's more than half of me.

They are so pleased with their progress, as they should be!

That is an incredible feat.

I was talking to him about it last week.

He has also been doing the intermittent fasting.

I asked him what he does for workouts.

He said cardio only.

Then he said this:

I don't dare start doing weights again because I don't want to see my weight go up.

I have worked so hard and the last thing I want is to see that number go up.

The red addict flags went up in my head because I'm an addict, therefore I see red flags.

This was a RED flag.

Like fire engine red.

This is how some addictions start.

He will have my sassy self right behind him the whole way, trying to suggest that he stay out of the deep end of addiction to that number, to weight loss, to the scale...

But in the end, it will be up to him to remain in the balanced state and to stay out of the addicted state.