Discussions

I am studying communication this week for the leadership boot camp I run for GH.

Communications was a class that I struggled with A LOT in College.

I think I pulled a C grade, but that was after SO much work, it was ridiculous.

When a person is under-developed when it comes to feelings and the understanding there-in, communication is not possible on a basic level.

That, I have learned.

As I continue to go through treatment, grow and learn, I find my ability to communicate within boundaries I have set to be expanding.

I had my counseling appointment on Friday.

It was a virtual appointment, of course.

As always, it was just what I needed!

Of course, we spoke about me:

Work, home, health, etc.

We spoke about Mike.

We spoke about my boys.

We spoke about his boys.

We spoke about blending families and the co-parenting that he does with their mom.

We spoke about my feelings regarding all of it.

She is very keen on really sort of forcing me to open up the drapes and shine the light on the emotions sitting at each desk in the classroom of feelings.

At first, I want to squint my eyes shut.

It feels overwhelming.

But, then I recognize these emotions as my own.

I want to illuminate them and tell them each, "hello."

And, I do.

Part of having emotions and feelings is then being able to communicate them in an effective, empathetic, boundary-baring way.

That's like an AP classroom, pretty sure!

Like, give me some College credit for going there!!

But, as I do...

As I learn to communicate them...

As I learn to voice my convictions in an appropriate, Heidi way...

The world opens up for me.

Yesterday, Kaydon came out on the deck with me.

I was lounging in my free, on-the-side-of-the-road-with-a-sign-that-said-free lounger...

I was coloring and getting in my Vitamin D.

He and I talked for a while.

It was wonderful.

He and I have our best convo's on the deck!

We discussed feelings and emotions and thoughts and actions and all of the really good stuff...

The stuff I didn't understand until the age of 42.

It is in those discussions that I can physically see progress in my treatment.

Grateful!