Let's Be Clear

Let's be clear about something.

Being in any type of relationship with me is DAMN HARD.

Hard. Hard. Hard.

It takes pretty much a modern day miracle for me to trust you with my feelings.

Let's be honest, I'm still (and probably will be for a long time) trying to figure out what feelings I am having and why and what to do with them!

So, imagine being someone who loves and cares about me trying to figure it all out.

Damn. Hard.

Add to that a process addiction of validation.

So, I am trying to articulate what I am feeling and someone shares their own belief about how I should feel or how it "really is."

That is called hard shut-down.

Like, Control-Alt-Delete SHUT DOWN.

I immediately go into that closet that I've had for 42 years and shove all the feelings in there and lock it, for certain unwilling to share them ever again with anyone because not only was it brave of me to share them in the first place, but they weren't validated.

Damn. Hard.

The people who love me, and there aren't many!, don't ever TRY to invalidate me.

Or not take my feelings seriously.

That is NEVER their intention.

And I know that.

So, letting go of that closet and listening and understanding is all part of  recovery.

And recovery is never-ending.