You Won't Understand

Treatment hurdles:

Being aware of feelings, emotions, actions, etc. is exhausting!

NOT shoving all of those things into a closet as if to get rid of them is exhausting.

Learning to go through them and sort and experience and figure it all out is exhausting.

Here is what is most hard:

I try desperately to understand other people and why they do and say or don't do or don't say or the why's or the how's or all of it...

For instance:

When someone's goal is to make you feel uncomfortable...

Why?

Why would anyone do that?

For instance:

When someone discusses YOU with everyone BUT you...

Why?
What does that do for them?

My neuropsych has told me SO MANY TIMES:

Heidi, you have to stop trying to understand.

You're not going to understand.

Ever.

Because you don't think like that.

Truth.

If EVER I thought that someone was uncomfortable due to me, I would be horrified.

I would feel like I had to go and fix it right away.

Horrified.

The other thing that I learned in the past few days:

I am not the only person on this planet, Yo.

I am not the only person who might be uncomfortable in a situation.

Rather than focusing solely on how I'm feeling in an environment, I need to make sure that i understand how my loved ones are feeling as well.

Lessons.

And onward we go!