Going Deeper Into Validation

I absolutely love this sentence.

Validation does not mean that you say to someone, "I agree with everything you said and I'm just so glad that you are right about everything."

Nope.

In fact, validation actually means that you may very well NOT agree with them - BUT, you recognize their feelings.

And, recognizing and respecting IS validating.

Over the past year and a half, I have really tried to focus on a certain aspect in my own mind:

If someone says I hurt them, I don't get to say I didn't.

Period.

If someone says I scared them, I don't get to say I didn't.

If someone says I confused them, I don't get to say I didn't.

Instead, I GET to say, "I am so sorry that I made you feel that way."

NOT, "I am so sorry that you feel that way."

After, and only after, validating their feelings I can then say, "Can we revisit that? I miscommunicated."

NOT, "There must have been miscommunication."

Because that makes the person who has the feelings feel like you are putting it back on them.

Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all felt validated?
Like, I have feelings and they are being heard.

Because here's the thing - if someone is being vulnerable enough to say to you that you have hurt them, that is worthy of validation. THEY are worthy of validation.

Mike and I had a silly conversation on Saturday that I am going to use as an example here.

Mike: "Did you not sleep well, Babe. You don't seem like you're in a great mood."

Me: "Oh, thanks a lot."

Mike: "What can I do to help fix this issue?"
Me: "ISSUE?!"

Mike: "Okay, let's start over."

I could have, and should have, validated his feelings that I was not in a good mood... in fact that I was probably being less than kind to him and he was only trying to help.

Instead, I invalidated his feelings and made him feel like he was being a jerk for even asking what he could do for me.

This week, my main personal goal is to validate the feelings of others the same way that I desperately need others to validate my feelings!