Hardest Times

When you love someone who is going through the hardest of things, telling them that it'll be okay is actually not helpful.

Telling them that they can "choose how they act or react" is bull shit.

Telling them that whatever you've been through is harder than what they are experiencing is selfish and disgusting.

Telling them that they need to "get over it" is simply ridiculous.

Telling them that this is just part of life and they just need to get used to it... don't.

Just don't.

When saying those things up there...

You are telling them that their feelings and emotions are not valid.

You are telling them that they can choose to feel different.

Why would we want them to??

We want them... no we NEED them... to feel everything they are feeling.

Telling them otherwise is the worst possible idea.

And, FYI.

Addicts don't actually have the ability to "choose different" just like that...

Addiction takes over agency.

Looking back at my addiction...

Yup, I can surely count DOZENS of choices that I made that were terrifying.

They were unsafe.

They were selfish.

They were terrible.

Yup, I see how my family could judge me and think I was terrible at everything in life.

I mean, it sure seems accurate when I think back to the stupid things I was doing.

But, FYI.

I couldn't choose different if I tried.

I didn't KNOW different.

I was trying to please everyone, including my family.

News Flash:

My addiction is to validation.

I was trying so dang hard to find a perfect husband and father for my children.

Does that sound cooky?

Now, absolutely.

Then... I was desperately trying to make them proud of me.

Now... I am proud of my darn self.

I am able to validate my darn self.

BUT, it has taken WORK.

And, it wasn't until I was able to see it and recognize that, "Ohhhhhhh. We've got an issue here. I'm exhausted. My kids are exhausted. I'm sick. I am all-in on getting help."

And the work is real.

It is not for the feint of heart.

It is entailed and deep and scary and frightening and terrible in every way.

Then,

Then...

You see the sunshine.

And you see it shining more days than you don't.

And,

Your kids tell you they are proud of you...

And, You recognize that you're proud of You, too.