Come As You Are

This quote, though.

If you don't follow this uber-talented guy on Instagram, I suggest you do.

I had a tender-mercy learning moment yesterday.

One of my sweet non-biological sisters is going through a very tough time.

Like, really hard.

I am the annoying sister-friend who is asking her daily how she is.

Two days ago, she told me that she was trying to stay distracted.

I know about distractions all too well.

I lived on Planet Distraction for 42 years.

It's how I survived.

Everything went into that symbolic closet and I kept myself distracted from feelings.

I told her that I understood.

Then, I asked her to be careful with distractions.

She knew.

And I knew that she knew.

Yesterday, a really terrible thing happened to her AGAIN.

And, she broke.

All of the emotions came out.

Crying.

The kind where you can't stop, where your whole body shutters.

Anger.

Sadness.

Confusion.

Fear.

And more crying.

I told her how sorry I was.

That I love her.

That I wished I could just hold her and let her feel all of the feelings.

That I was sorry that things just kept piling on.

Then, I thought.

How many times have I been literally beat down with burdens?

At the bottom of that human ravine.

With no way to climb out.

And one more awful thing slams me into the ground.

I've wondered out loud, "God, you're supposed to be my friend."

"You're supposed to protect me from this."
"Where are you???!!!!"

Yet, those "icing on the cake" moments are when I break.

They're when I finally sob for hours.

Weeping and wailing.

They are when I finally have no choice but to FEEL.

And, God knows that.

So, He isn't going to save me from them.

He needs me to feel.

He knows that I need to get these emotions out and this is they only way to do that.

So, He's going to stand by and let it happen.

He's going to let me feel.

He's going to love me through it.

He's going to feel my heart with light right after I purge the darkness.

He's going to bless me with people like this non-biological sister to love me through it all.

To remind me that I'm okay.

That I'm better than okay.

I'm worthy of love and light.