Process Addictions - Addiction to Toxic Relationships

Toxic Relationship Addicts.

Doesn't this quote just sound obvious?

Like, duh!

This is totally what we should be doing!

But... it's not that easy.

Are there people who you should block, but don't?

Do you check your social media to see if those people have looked at your profile, or to see if they have liked a status?

Do you think about them?

Do you wonder if there would ever be a chance that things could "work out?"

Do you have actual physical responses to any communication with that person?

If you answered yes to any of these, there is nothing innately wrong with you!
You are an addict.

It will take time.

It will take healing.

It will take re-wiring.

But, that is all already inside of you!

 

Process Addiction - Identiy

One of the most common denominators for addicts is the lack of identity.

For validation addicts, in particular, we are chameleons.

We work very hard to be and do whatever we think others want us to be or do.

Not only do we not know who we are, we are so fluid in identity because we have a need to be different for different people.

Our identity is the foundation of who we are.

When we are solid in our identity, we are not swayed by what other people think!

We are grounded in our unchanging worth!

We KNOW that everything we want to be is already inside of us!

We are able to feel our feelings, but not become our feelings!

Doesn't that sound SO legit?!?!

There are ten questions to ask ourselves:

1. Do I compare myself to others?

2. Am I not enough?

3. Am I jealous?

4. What are my faults and weaknesses?

5. Do I worry?

6. Do I apologize for things when I haven't actually done anything wrong?

7. Do I judge?

8. Do I base my worth on outside factors?

9. Do I long for approval?

10. Do I feel like I don't belong?

I like to stop and ask myself these questions once or twice a week to take personal inventory on where I am at.

If I am answering the majority of these questions in the affirmative, then I know I have work to do to flip the switch!

That doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong.

It just means I GET TO remind myself of my true identity!

I get to show myself love, compassion, and grace.

I get to continue to become.

 

Process Addiction - Consistency > Perfection

Habits.

Patterns.

Consistency will ALWAYS be better than perfection.

Floors and Ceilings.

In order to have a ceiling, you must have a floor.

I think we can all agree on that.

In order to have peaks, there must be valleys.

In order to have an amazing loaf of bread, you must have little specks of yeast.

In order to be consistency, we must have floors.

Brooke Snow teaches brilliantly about floors and ceilings.

She says:

A ceiling is your high ideal. It's your big picture vision of a goal, a change, or a new habit. It's who you want to be as your future self.

A floor is your tiny version of change. It's your tiny version of a habit. It's your short version of a practice. It's your BARE MINIMUM.

In fact, this is the key to finding consistency!

When January 1st comes, we are SO excited about all of our new goals.

We are spot on.

We are on point.

We are enthusiastic.

We are ALL IN.

Then February 1st rolls around, and life is happening and we feel like if we don't maintain that same level of enthusiasm, we have failed.

Then, we just quit.

We consider all of it a big failure.

This is where floors come in.

When we have a goal, we need to specifically identify our floor and our ceiling.

Example:

My monthly blueprint is very specific about my physical goals: 

Five days a week at the gym

Daily habits on top of the gym

Ceiling: 

Five days at the gym with cardio and my daily rotation

Daily habits during the day completed

Floor:

Show up at the gym and sit in the massage chair or the sauna

Stretch every time I go to the bathroom

AND, cheer my dang self on.

Tell myself that I'm awesome!

Reward myself for accomplishing floors!!!

 

Process Addiction - Two Wolves

Heeyy Friends-

I have been radio (or blog) silent for a bit!

Truth be told, I am working on certifying as a What Matters Coach.

Truth be told - if you have tendencies (habits) toward enthusiastically controlling your spouse, you should keep your eyes open for an amazing course that my Becky Beck is about to launch.

I am honored to be one of the coaches who will be facilitating groups and one-on-ones within her course.

It is AMAZING.

In the meantime, in between time, I want to talk to you very vulnerably and honestly about a recent circumstance I experienced.

I am accustomed to false narrative circulating about me.

It's happened most of my life, and is one of my biggest triggers.

Remember: Satan LOVES this stuff!

Recently, an experience took place which I didn't handle the best.

I engaged when I could have disengaged.

A false narrative was brought up out of what seemed like no where.

A very sacred friendship was destroyed.

And I was shook.

In the moments following, I found myself questioning if the false narrative about me was actually real; if it was actually true...

I found myself back where I have been countless times before - asking myself if the things being said in the false narrative really were true about me.

BUT.

BUT then, I flipped the switch.

I stopped.

I took three deep breaths and I began to say OUT LOUD:

I am worthy.

I am enough.

I am lovable.

I am loving.

I am kind.

I am divine.

I am trying.

I am becoming.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I am a daughter of Heavenly Parents.

I have repeated these TRUE affirmation over and over and over again for the past few days.

This is a very small summary of a beautiful story:

Our identity is the foundation of who we are.

We feed our identity with our daily habits.

The small ones.

The ones that may seem inconsequential.

ALL of them matter.

We must feed our true selves.

Over and over and over again.

When doubts and false narratives enter your own mind, flip the switch.

Be louder than those lies.

Love and accept yourself.

Speak kindly to yourself.

Speak affirmation to yourself.