Heidi Rae Coaching - Embrace the Cellulite

Babes!!

Come join me in a full circle for a few moments, will you? Come with all of your insecurities, please. Come to this circle 100% vulnerable. I plan to do the same. In fact, I'll go first.

I have cellulite. I have a LOT of cellulite. It starts at my knees and goes up to my booty. Both legs. Thick and lumpy. Dimpling my skin in abundance.

Several years ago, I went to a Spa and purchased a cellulite wrap that was supposed to firm it all up, take it all away, rid me of the lumpy lumps that have been with me since the beginning. I went into the room wrapped only in a towel. The lady doing the wrap immediately stated, "Whoa! This cellulite is bad! I don't think a wrap is going to fix this!!!" Let's be clear, this was far from the first time I had been told something about myself that couldn't "be fixed." That doesn't mean it didn't sting like every other thing about me that wasn't fixable.

I never went to pool parties. I never went to neighborhood parties where swimsuits were the dress code. I avoided any youth activities that would have swimsuit-required plans. I avoided walking around pools or lakes in just my swimsuit, even as a 45 year old mama!!

Then, a few nights ago, I had a "Stop it Heidi" moment! I was climbing out of the bathtub and staring at myself in the mirror. I saw my c-section/hysterectomy scar. I saw my back surgeries (3) scar. I saw my hips, etched with stretch marks, that carried the weight of four humans. I saw my two legs, that both work, decorated with lumps and bumps and dimples and I said a some things OUT LOUD as I looked in the mirror:

Heidi Rae, your body has survived single motherhood of four boys. It has survived abuse. It has survived heart surgery, a stroke, a hysterectomy following four live births.

Heidi Rae, your boys and your grandbabies could not care less about your scars or your dimpled legs or your big hips!

Heidi Rae, you are going to Mexico in 18 days and you are going to wear the dang swim suits without hoodies wrapped around your dang waist!!!!!

Let's be real -- who even came up with the idea that cellulite was a bad thing? An ugly thing? Something to be hidden??

Your insecurity might not be cellulite. It might be thinning hair or crooked teeth or hairy toes. I have no idea! But you hide it. You worry about it. People have said things about it. And it makes you feel less than. You compare yourself to others and wonder why you.

I hope that you have a moment very soon when you look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you are worthy as you are... not after a wrap (which don't work anyways) that is supposed to rid you of cellulite; not after you get the lip filler; not after you lose 20 pounds; not after your hair grows out - but now. As you are.

*I am in no way saying that doing what you can to feel better about yourself is bad. It's not. I AM saying that I don't want you to wait until those things happen to feel worthy as you are.

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Choose To Stay

 Babes!!

You may, or may not, know that I am a runner. To clarify, I do not mean with my legs. I ran one 5K race. Note that "ran" is a term that should be used very, very loosely. To put "ran" in perspective, Braxton did this race with me. He finished the race, then ran back to where I was and finished it with me. Also note that the organizers had already taken down the finish line material. Also also note that I never once walked... thus the importance of using the term "ran" loosely.

Anywho...

I'm a runner.

Emotionally.

Mentally.

Socially.

I'm a runner extraordinaire.

When things are scary, sad, frustrating, hurtful, confusing... I run. I shut down. I get very quiet. I isolate. I do some pretty good emotional self-harm. By "good," I mean very, very bad. Heidi Out. I internalize all of it. I immediately begin to try to figure out what I need to do or who I need to be to make the situation better... to make the person like me/love me/accept me.

*This began as a very young child. We are talking probably around four years old. In order to make things "better," I would try so hard to morph into who I thought people wanted me to be. In order to make people accept me, love me, want me, validate me... I'd run to whoever I thought they wanted me to be.

As you might imagine, this made for an incredibly broken soul. Exhausting. Draining. Impossible to know who I actually was anymore.

Fast-forward 40 years... my Katryna taught me who I was. I was taught, and have practiced every minute of every day since then, that my worth is whole just as I am. I am lovable. I am needed. I am enough. Just as I am.

And, so are you!

Katryna and Erica taught me to stay. Stay in there. Check my vitals. Determine what, if anything, I need to do. Then, act. Or, don't. Feel the feelings. Honor my emotions. Set, and keep, my boundaries. But stay.

Recently, I had a sit-down with a couple. I prefaced the conversation with three rules:

1. Everyone at this table will be 100% open and honest.

2. If things get hard, each person has the right to ask for a two minute break. But, no one at this table will run.

3. Everyone at this table is allowed to have, and honor, their feelings and emotions. However, the conversation will be based on facts.

I gave an example:

Conversation based on feelings and emotions: Heidi: "Burke doesn't care about what I want."

Conversation based on facts: "I keep asking Burke for a fainting goat and he says, "No."

Same story... one based on feelings and emotions that lack truth. The other based on the actual fact.

I no longer run from myself. I do my best, and practice hourly, asking myself what I'm feeling. Honoring those feelings. Determining what, if anything, needs to be done. Moving forward.

*NOTE: When dealing with family members, our intentions and boundaries and realities are often (most of the time) misinterpreted by family members and people on the outside looking in. That's ok. Let them be misinterpreted.

You no longer need to run