Heidi Rae Coaching - Choose To Stay

 Babes!!

You may, or may not, know that I am a runner. To clarify, I do not mean with my legs. I ran one 5K race. Note that "ran" is a term that should be used very, very loosely. To put "ran" in perspective, Braxton did this race with me. He finished the race, then ran back to where I was and finished it with me. Also note that the organizers had already taken down the finish line material. Also also note that I never once walked... thus the importance of using the term "ran" loosely.

Anywho...

I'm a runner.

Emotionally.

Mentally.

Socially.

I'm a runner extraordinaire.

When things are scary, sad, frustrating, hurtful, confusing... I run. I shut down. I get very quiet. I isolate. I do some pretty good emotional self-harm. By "good," I mean very, very bad. Heidi Out. I internalize all of it. I immediately begin to try to figure out what I need to do or who I need to be to make the situation better... to make the person like me/love me/accept me.

*This began as a very young child. We are talking probably around four years old. In order to make things "better," I would try so hard to morph into who I thought people wanted me to be. In order to make people accept me, love me, want me, validate me... I'd run to whoever I thought they wanted me to be.

As you might imagine, this made for an incredibly broken soul. Exhausting. Draining. Impossible to know who I actually was anymore.

Fast-forward 40 years... my Katryna taught me who I was. I was taught, and have practiced every minute of every day since then, that my worth is whole just as I am. I am lovable. I am needed. I am enough. Just as I am.

And, so are you!

Katryna and Erica taught me to stay. Stay in there. Check my vitals. Determine what, if anything, I need to do. Then, act. Or, don't. Feel the feelings. Honor my emotions. Set, and keep, my boundaries. But stay.

Recently, I had a sit-down with a couple. I prefaced the conversation with three rules:

1. Everyone at this table will be 100% open and honest.

2. If things get hard, each person has the right to ask for a two minute break. But, no one at this table will run.

3. Everyone at this table is allowed to have, and honor, their feelings and emotions. However, the conversation will be based on facts.

I gave an example:

Conversation based on feelings and emotions: Heidi: "Burke doesn't care about what I want."

Conversation based on facts: "I keep asking Burke for a fainting goat and he says, "No."

Same story... one based on feelings and emotions that lack truth. The other based on the actual fact.

I no longer run from myself. I do my best, and practice hourly, asking myself what I'm feeling. Honoring those feelings. Determining what, if anything, needs to be done. Moving forward.

*NOTE: When dealing with family members, our intentions and boundaries and realities are often (most of the time) misinterpreted by family members and people on the outside looking in. That's ok. Let them be misinterpreted.

You no longer need to run