Heidi Rae Coaching - Outcomes

Babes!

This is going to be a long one, so get comfy!

I was going to preface this story by saying that it is about a "friend." But, that'd be a big, fat lie because it's ALL ABOUT ME. The great thing about recovery and therapy and all the things is that we become super, almost hyper, aware of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Sometimes it just takes us (me) a whiiiiiile to get to the correct actions!

I raised four boys. I raised four very, very independent, hard-working boys. I had no other choice. I needed us to be a team in order to get through each day. My boys, Colton included, did their own laundry from the time they were 10. They took turns fixing meals, going grocery shopping, cleaning, organizing, running other errands, and supporting one another at activities. I am so grateful today as I watch them supporting families of their own!

Fast forward to now - my boys are grown and I have three other boys that I get to love & support. I suppose it's because I "can," but I am not treating them at all the same! My actions have taught them how to behave! B has told me several times over the last year+ to not "baby" them. I continued to say, "I'll decide!" Well, all of that deciding has now led to where we are at today:

For the last few weeks, I have come over from work with ATTTTITUDE. I don't take my shoes off or even take my purse off of my shoulder. I immediately walk into the kitchen, where others are sitting, and clean up all of the empty glasses, bowls, empty soda cans, garbage, etc. Then I start the dishwasher. Then I pull out the laundry baskets and start laundry. Then I make dinner. Don't forget all of the sports events, practices, tournaments... And the best part - in my head for just a split second I am ANGRY that no one seems to realize that I'm mad!!!!! How can they NOT notice that I am really irate?! How can they not see that this is why I am exhausted?! Afterall, I'm doing everything!!!

Let's pause.

This is the moment when I have a conversation with my dang self. Heidi, who are you mad at?

Myself.

Why?

Because my actions have taught them how to treat me. (my actions have taught them not to do anything because Heidi will do it)

Heidi, who are you taking this out on?

B.

Why?

Why not?!?!

Note: B does a ton. He gets my breakfast and lunch ready every morning while I'm getting ready. He cleans the bathrooms. He makes sure yard work is done. He TRIES to do the dishes and the laundry and sweeping and mopping. I have literally told him not to because "it's my job."

So, Saturday I broke.

"Babe, I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I recognize that this is my doing and I need help to fix it."

B:

"We will work together to re-teach the boys to take care of their stuff themselves!! BUT, you have to let these things go and not do it for them."

Me:

Deal.

Couple of things here:

* We literally teach people how to treat us

* My actions, and lack thereof, led to this outcome

* Only I can fix this

We are very quick to blame our feelings on others. Like - if they would just help me, I wouldn't feel this way. We are very fast to assign our feelings and emotions to others.

Great news: when we handle our own business, we feel SO MUCH better!!

So: own your issues. Understand where they are coming from. NOTE: there are certainly times when are feelings are due to the actions of others, but I find that a good number of mine are personal! Change your behavior so that your outcomes are also different.

XOXOXO