I Promise

Mamas,

And I have learned that in order to teach my children, or myself, how to love others... 

We have to love ourselves first.

I promise to teach my babies (who are not babies anymore) to love your babies.

No matter their skin color;

Their religion;

Their background;

Their sexual identification;

Their economic status;

I promise to teach my children that they are loved, and that it is our job on Earth to love others.

It is our job to listen.

It is our job to learn.

It is our job to love.

Self Care Action Calendar

I found this calendar online last week.

I am fully aware that September 2019 has come and gone and is never coming back.

But that's not the point.

The point is that I started yesterday (Sunday) with my self care action calendar.

Use this idea and make your own.

Write in your calendar things that are hard for you so that you can focus on self care that is perfectly perfect for you!

10 Signs You're Doing Better Than You Think You Are

Did you read it?

Self-check Friday.

Where are you at?

Listen, you don't have to have all ten signs down to be doing better than you think you are.

ONE.

Just ONE is enough.

We all have to start some where and in this life we are given the opportunity to start over time and time and time again.

We are all still on training wheels.

So, where are you at?

I want to talk about #4 for a minute.

If you have #4, you are well on your way to completing the other nine.

Brene Brown talks about this.

If you have ONE person in your life... just ONE.. that you can call and say, "I just messed up BIG time. I messed up royally and I don't know what to do about it and I'm in a shit show of a mess that I created," and you hear back from that person, "Alright. Let's do this," THAT is your person.

If that person sometimes gets back with you and says, "Hey. I wasn't there for you like I should have been, like you needed me to be, but I'm here now and I'm with you," THAT is your person.

No one will have more than two or three of those people.

If you have just one, you are golden.

If you have two or three... you've hit the lottery and been struck by lightening.

And, by the way...

We can ALL be that person for someone else.

Pep Talk

There is always something amazing about giving our dang selves pep talks!!!

Bad Days

I am MUCH more aware of my dang mood since starting treatment last June.

It's a blessing and it's a curse.

This morning was ROUGH!

Like, it sucked the suck.

Mike is out of town.

He'll be home tonight and leave again tomorrow morning for two days.

Let's just say that it's a bit obvious that this man is gold and that he does mornings, and nights, like a freaking boss.

Because this morning was BAAAAAD.

I heard Braxton let the dogs out, but it was for a hot minute.

Like, less than a hot minute.

Then all three dogs are in my room while I am trying to get dressed and they are freaking the freak out because they have not yet been fed.

I go into my bathroom to put deodorant on and come out to a pile of shit on my carpet.

Yup, dog poo on my carpet.

I picked it up. 

Went out to get food bowls ready and Kaya is doing her stinking jumping in the air on all four legs thing while Izzy is doing her talking/barking thing, while Gus needs to pee again.

It was all bad.

Fed.

I put both of the girls outside on their leads.

I am hearing barking and barking and barking.

I go outside and they have wrapped themselves around one of the deck poles approximately 593 times.

They are jumping on me while I am trying to get them off the leads.

Kaya is biting at my fingers because apparently she thinks I have food in my damn hands.

I forgot my almond milk for my breakfast at work.

I couldn't poop this morning so my tummy hurts.

I was stressed out beyond words.

And then Mike calls and my bluetooth won't work so I'm trying to talk to him whilst driving a stick.

It was all bad.

I got to work wanting to go back home and start the day over.

But that's not an option.

So, I'm choosing grace.

I told myself, "Self. This morning sucks balls. It is a shit show of a damn morning. You are swearing a lot and it's OKAY. Bad mornings happen. You aren't a damn failure. You DO need to poop. Let's work on that. Mike IS coming home tonight. Let's focus on the goodness of that. Bad days are OKAY.  Bad mornings are OKAY. YOU ARE OKAY."

And, we carry on.

Dirty Feet

Dearest Gandhi,

Thank you.

Over the weekend, Mike and I were watching a FB Live. 

It was a fellow Younique affiliate.

There was a troll on the Live who was saying mean things in the comments.

Other people who were watching were then turning on her.

This happens daily.

Miss S simply said, "Shelbie (the girl being ugly), if you don't like me then don't watch me. You can hit unfollow. But we don't need to be ugly. Maybe you are just having a bad day and tomorrow will be better. Y'all, don't respond to her. Pray for her! Maybe Shelbie needs Jesus today!"

Amen, Miss S!

None of us need to allow people to walk through our minds with their dirty feet.

With their negativity.

With their hurtful comments or angry tirades.

She was blocked soon after.

Me is Amazing

My self esteem is on the struggle bus lately.

I have gained ten pounds.

Now, before y'all start rolling your eyes ... let me explain.

I'm an addict.

One addiction that I've had most of my life is an eating disorder.

It has been held at bay for a good ten years, but it is rearing it's ugly head in ways that I'm aware of.

I'm definitely not back into my eating disorder.

But I am back into the self-thoughts that I've always had.

Combine a past eating disorder with an addiction to validation and it's not a good mix.

I have not been kind to myself with self talk as of late.

I feel disgusting physically.

Disgusting.

And that is what I tell myself when I look in the mirror, which I try not to do.

Mike tells me 100 times a day that I am beautiful, that I'm sexy, that my hips and my butt are perfect, that my legs are strong, that there is no more beautiful woman in the world.

What more validation could a girl want?

Well, that's the thing about an addiction to validation.

You see, my validation needs to come from myself.

I know Mike loves me.

I know that he loves every single part of me.

He tells me.

He shows me.

He does everything that a person could ever want or need.

But, I'm not giving myself validation.

Until I remember and REALLY believe my worth as is, I am going to struggle with me.

So, it's back to self affirmations.

It's back to praying to Heavenly Father to allow myself to see me as He does.

It's back to doing the things that make me feel good: self affirmations, eating healthier and working out.

Until then, 

We really are enough.