Heidi Rae Coaching - Choose To Stay

 Babes!!

You may, or may not, know that I am a runner. To clarify, I do not mean with my legs. I ran one 5K race. Note that "ran" is a term that should be used very, very loosely. To put "ran" in perspective, Braxton did this race with me. He finished the race, then ran back to where I was and finished it with me. Also note that the organizers had already taken down the finish line material. Also also note that I never once walked... thus the importance of using the term "ran" loosely.

Anywho...

I'm a runner.

Emotionally.

Mentally.

Socially.

I'm a runner extraordinaire.

When things are scary, sad, frustrating, hurtful, confusing... I run. I shut down. I get very quiet. I isolate. I do some pretty good emotional self-harm. By "good," I mean very, very bad. Heidi Out. I internalize all of it. I immediately begin to try to figure out what I need to do or who I need to be to make the situation better... to make the person like me/love me/accept me.

*This began as a very young child. We are talking probably around four years old. In order to make things "better," I would try so hard to morph into who I thought people wanted me to be. In order to make people accept me, love me, want me, validate me... I'd run to whoever I thought they wanted me to be.

As you might imagine, this made for an incredibly broken soul. Exhausting. Draining. Impossible to know who I actually was anymore.

Fast-forward 40 years... my Katryna taught me who I was. I was taught, and have practiced every minute of every day since then, that my worth is whole just as I am. I am lovable. I am needed. I am enough. Just as I am.

And, so are you!

Katryna and Erica taught me to stay. Stay in there. Check my vitals. Determine what, if anything, I need to do. Then, act. Or, don't. Feel the feelings. Honor my emotions. Set, and keep, my boundaries. But stay.

Recently, I had a sit-down with a couple. I prefaced the conversation with three rules:

1. Everyone at this table will be 100% open and honest.

2. If things get hard, each person has the right to ask for a two minute break. But, no one at this table will run.

3. Everyone at this table is allowed to have, and honor, their feelings and emotions. However, the conversation will be based on facts.

I gave an example:

Conversation based on feelings and emotions: Heidi: "Burke doesn't care about what I want."

Conversation based on facts: "I keep asking Burke for a fainting goat and he says, "No."

Same story... one based on feelings and emotions that lack truth. The other based on the actual fact.

I no longer run from myself. I do my best, and practice hourly, asking myself what I'm feeling. Honoring those feelings. Determining what, if anything, needs to be done. Moving forward.

*NOTE: When dealing with family members, our intentions and boundaries and realities are often (most of the time) misinterpreted by family members and people on the outside looking in. That's ok. Let them be misinterpreted.

You no longer need to run

Heidi Rae Coaching - You Still Have Time

Babes!!

We have almost made it through January. How do you feel like you're doing?? Personally, the cold air feels very unnecessary. But some people thrive in the cold. Personally, the long and gloomy days can be hard on my soul. But some people absolutely feel their best on days like that. Personally, I am very grateful that the days are getting longer again. But can we just speed that up??

I have a sign in my office that my Miss Birdie gave me years ago. It reads, "It's Never Too Late to Live Happily Ever After."

I have always kept it in my direct line of sight. I need it to remind me often that I'm on a journey, not in a sprinting race. I also have several cards that T sent with flowers. They are all very T-esque! She is my tough-love-sister! One reads, "You have one day to be sad. That's it!! You are more than enough."

These words from my people are so true. We have time. In fact, it's really all we have. What we do with our time matters, yes. BUT, if you are reading this right now - you still have time!

This is just the best news ever!

I am going to tell you a story. Stick with me here because you're going to wonder how it correlates. It does! Pinky promise.

My friend, who also just started doing my hair a few months ago, asked me a question right when I sat in her chair. "What do you want your hair to look like in six months?"

I found my filter for a half a second, wondering why she wasn't asking me what I wanted it to look like this second. Six months?!?! "Ummm, well I'd like it to be more blonde and I'd like it to be longer and more one length than like six different haircuts - looking hair."

Then she explained that she asks that because there is no way to get my hair to the finish line today. Getting it blonde, without it all falling out, is going to take TIME. Getting it to one length when it's been a pixie cut for so long is going to take TIME. Growing it out is going to take TIME.

I loved that she asked me that and that she is doing my hair with the six month marker in mind. Our lives are not that different! We are not going to be who we think we want to be today or tomorrow. That's not how it works. Who do you want to be in six months? Let's start there!

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Know Who You Are & Who You Aren't

 Babes!!

I had such a great conversation with a friend last week. She was telling me about her confidence. I was asking questions about how she came into that confidence, how she discovered it, how she keeps that confidence.

She said a couple of things that really stuck with me and that I wanted to really look into. Today, I want to talk about this.

She said that knowing WHO she is and stating that with others in order to keep her integrity and provide boundaries by stating her truth allows her to be confident in who she is.

Example: If you need a friend who you can call up and they'll go to dinner with you tonight... I am probably not that friend.

If you need a friend who you can text and request love or assurance or prayers from... I am that friend.

If you need a friend who will up and go to a concert with you... I am not that friend.

If you need a friend who will remind you that you are enough always and forever... I am that friend.

If you need a friend who will go to the gym and workout with you... I am not that friend.

If you need a friend who will root for your rise, who will wave at you and even give you a hug at the gym... I am your girl!

If you need a friend to go Black Friday shopping with you... I'm out.

If you need a friend who will give you a shoulder to cry on... my is available for you!

We all have different strengths! We don't need to pretend that our strengths are what they aren't. You are needed just as you are!! My village is made up of people who I love and who I choose to have in my life for so many reasons!!

Heidi Rae Coaching - It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Babes!!

We have already talked about this a few times. We GET to talk about it again because we GET to be reminded of it as many times as we need to be!

Somedays we go along, putting one foot ahead of the other, and we feel just fine, thanks! Other days, we are a hot mess and that's just the way it's going to be for the day, thank you very much. And then there are days when we just feel a bit off. We can't really pinpoint why. We've checked our vitals and we feel like we're doing what we can. But we're just off.

IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

On these days, I keep right on taking care of my vitals.

Am I hungry? If yes, I eat foods that make me feel good.

Do I need water? If yes, I drink up!

Have I moved my body? Even if I'm at work, I get up and stretch. I walk down the hall and back. I do some squats in my office. I get my body moving.

Do I need physical touch? If yes and I'm at work, I'm blessed to have co-workers that I can go ask for a hug from. If no, I put a blanket over me or I turn my heating pad on. If I'm able to, I schedule a pedicure.

Am I overstimulated? If yes (which is VERY often post-stroke), I turn off my lights. I turn off any noise that I have going on that is not necessary. I might close my office door for a minute and just do affirmations or a quick meditation.

If I'm still not feeling super duper, I LET IT ME.

I tell myself out loud:

"Everything is as it should be."

"My value is not up for discussion."

"I am deeply loved."

And I just keep going.

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - When The Holidays Aren't So Merry & Bright

Babes!

The holidays are a funny time, aren't they? For Kaydon in the Dominican Republic, it's actually a very dangerous time. They are required to stay in their apartments for longer periods of time due to increased violence. They don't have Christmas trees where he is, or decorations. It's hot and muggy; not at all like the cold, snowy Decembers here.

For Jackson, it's about making new traditions with his little family. Isis's family has very traditional Mexican traditions which are fun and wonderful. Colton gets to be a part of them as well.

For Braxton, it's about preparing for a new reality in the upcoming year with a baby on the way. It's about sharing time with Mia's family as well.

Last night, I had a very real moment where I spent time with my emotions and my feelings. The physical, outward response to my emotions was sobbing for a long period of time. Alone.

I realized that in my validation addiction, I have sought a seat at a table. For years, I have longed for a seat at a table. As I listen to my children's plans for the holidays, they include a visit to the home where I grew up. No such invitation will be given to me.

As I tried to work through the feelings that this truth creates in me, I tried to find comfort in the fact that there is a universal table of sorts... that even though I can't see it, or feel it, or pull a realistic seat up to it, I have hope that there is a table to which we are all invited.

The holidays are a time when movies are watched that include families sitting around tables together, reminiscing and laughing and bonding. The holidays are a time when you see families out shopping, light-watching, tree-finding, and gather to eat.

If you are someone who, during these times, is watching all of this while feeling alone, please know that I see you. I hear you. And, even though we can't see it or pull an actual chair up to it - I have to believe that there is a table to which we are all invited, welcomed, and loved.

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Own Your Worth

Babes!!
Come sit with me for a moment. Do you remember the story of how I learned what my worth was based on? Remember that first appointment with my Katryna when she asked me what made up my worth?? I felt like I gave her some seriously great answers... epic, really! My answers were things like: How good of a mom I am, how good at my job I am, how self-reliant I am, how proud my parents could be of me one day... I mean, REALLY terrific answers! Guess what grade Katryna gave me?? An F. Failing grade!

Do you know what she told me the correct answer is? I WAS BORN WITH IT. It's innate. There is nothing I can or can't do to raise or lower it! It just is. It is not up for discussion. It is unchangeable. We are divine. 

When we learn this, and then live in this truth, we allow others to shine as well. Isn't that the very coolest thing ever?? Yes is the answer to that question!! If my worth is innate and I was born with infinite, divine worth then YOU WERE TOO!

It takes practice to live in that truth. It takes practice to own our divinity. It takes practice to shine like a diamond! Some days we just want to crawl under rocks or hibernate for a good six months or sing Christmas carols at the top of our dang lungs in a 45 minute hot shower... and that's OK!! But when we know, and I mean REALLY know, our worth... we WILL shine!

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Villages

Babes!!

I really love this quote. Here's why:

(Yes this IS, in fact, story time)

This week, a human who I love dearly, said these words to me:

"I've gotten more private about things as time goes on. I feel like no one really wants to hear complaining or hopelessness. And that's there sometimes. I don't want to feel like I'm filtering how I cope..."

Dearest One,

I want to hear your complaining and your hopelessness. I want to hear all of it. I want to feel your tears running down my shoulders. I want to listen as you talk about those hard emotions and the feelings that arise because of them. I want to be able to pray for you by name, and send positive vibes into the entire universe for you. I want to be able to remind you that I KNOW you are divine. Enough. Worthy.

Please know that you can come to me with the good, bad, ugly, and hard. I'll be here waiting. I'll be here waiting because I have been fortunate enough to have trials, too. I know those feelings and those emotions. I can empathize with every single one of them. I CHOOSE to hear you. I CHOOSE to see you. I CHOOSE to love you.

XOXO

Babes,

We are not in this alone. We aren't supposed to do this life on our own. It just couldn't happen that way. We have had people put on our paths throughout our lives at just the right times, in just the right places, who have gathered the broken parts of us into their village.

We are on lots of people's paths right this minute. They need us, without even knowing it. They need us. And we need them.