Heidi Rae Coaching - Believe In Yourself

Babes!!

What if we just believed in ourselves? What could we accomplish? What would we try, even if we fall short? What would we learn and how much would we grow if we just gave it a shot?

I am constantly in awe of my kids and grandkids. Thankfully, they didn't get their fear of everything from me! Watching them believe in themselves enough to try things, to stick things out, to grow... I am so proud of them.

Remember Punchinello in "You Are Special?" He didn't have much belief in himself, if any. However, once he talked with the Woodmaker, Eli, he believed just enough to have a sticker fall off of him.

Watching my boys leave the country to serve complete strangers for two years... They would tell me often that they felt inept to do this, yet they believed in themselves just enough to get up every morning and go out - speak a new language, learn to love others, serve everyone around them, and continue going.

Cooper tried out for the junior high track team this week. He's never done track before. To our surprise, he tried out for the high jump. He's never even tried to do a high jump before. He made the team. He believed in himself just enough to try it out!

Now, believing in ourselves enough to try something doesn't always mean we are going to "succeed." To be sure. However, what is your definition of success? Perhaps just the act of trying IS success. Perhaps just practicing your belief in yourself IS success. Perhaps the lessons you learn about yourself and others because you did believe in yourself IS success. That's my kind of success!

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Taylor Smith Talk

 I have been following Papa Ostler on Instagram for a long time.

He is a champion for Children of God. That means he is a champion for everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, race, gender, religion. He chooses to see everyone as our Heavenly Parents would. He inspires me daily with his posts and podcasts. 

Recently, he had a guest named Taylor Smith on his podcast. To say that I was touched is an understatement. I was shook. I messaged my Becky Beck to suggest she listen, and told her that I felt so strongly that he had beautifully articulated so many of my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Allow me to preface Taylor's talk by saying that he belongs to the LDS church. If you are of a different faith or have no faith at all, I believe that this talk will still touch you somehow.

I took Taylor's talk from Papa Ostler's website. 

Listen to Taylor's talk here.

Heidi Rae Coaching - Embrace the Cellulite

Babes!!

Come join me in a full circle for a few moments, will you? Come with all of your insecurities, please. Come to this circle 100% vulnerable. I plan to do the same. In fact, I'll go first.

I have cellulite. I have a LOT of cellulite. It starts at my knees and goes up to my booty. Both legs. Thick and lumpy. Dimpling my skin in abundance.

Several years ago, I went to a Spa and purchased a cellulite wrap that was supposed to firm it all up, take it all away, rid me of the lumpy lumps that have been with me since the beginning. I went into the room wrapped only in a towel. The lady doing the wrap immediately stated, "Whoa! This cellulite is bad! I don't think a wrap is going to fix this!!!" Let's be clear, this was far from the first time I had been told something about myself that couldn't "be fixed." That doesn't mean it didn't sting like every other thing about me that wasn't fixable.

I never went to pool parties. I never went to neighborhood parties where swimsuits were the dress code. I avoided any youth activities that would have swimsuit-required plans. I avoided walking around pools or lakes in just my swimsuit, even as a 45 year old mama!!

Then, a few nights ago, I had a "Stop it Heidi" moment! I was climbing out of the bathtub and staring at myself in the mirror. I saw my c-section/hysterectomy scar. I saw my back surgeries (3) scar. I saw my hips, etched with stretch marks, that carried the weight of four humans. I saw my two legs, that both work, decorated with lumps and bumps and dimples and I said a some things OUT LOUD as I looked in the mirror:

Heidi Rae, your body has survived single motherhood of four boys. It has survived abuse. It has survived heart surgery, a stroke, a hysterectomy following four live births.

Heidi Rae, your boys and your grandbabies could not care less about your scars or your dimpled legs or your big hips!

Heidi Rae, you are going to Mexico in 18 days and you are going to wear the dang swim suits without hoodies wrapped around your dang waist!!!!!

Let's be real -- who even came up with the idea that cellulite was a bad thing? An ugly thing? Something to be hidden??

Your insecurity might not be cellulite. It might be thinning hair or crooked teeth or hairy toes. I have no idea! But you hide it. You worry about it. People have said things about it. And it makes you feel less than. You compare yourself to others and wonder why you.

I hope that you have a moment very soon when you look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you are worthy as you are... not after a wrap (which don't work anyways) that is supposed to rid you of cellulite; not after you get the lip filler; not after you lose 20 pounds; not after your hair grows out - but now. As you are.

*I am in no way saying that doing what you can to feel better about yourself is bad. It's not. I AM saying that I don't want you to wait until those things happen to feel worthy as you are.

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Choose To Stay

 Babes!!

You may, or may not, know that I am a runner. To clarify, I do not mean with my legs. I ran one 5K race. Note that "ran" is a term that should be used very, very loosely. To put "ran" in perspective, Braxton did this race with me. He finished the race, then ran back to where I was and finished it with me. Also note that the organizers had already taken down the finish line material. Also also note that I never once walked... thus the importance of using the term "ran" loosely.

Anywho...

I'm a runner.

Emotionally.

Mentally.

Socially.

I'm a runner extraordinaire.

When things are scary, sad, frustrating, hurtful, confusing... I run. I shut down. I get very quiet. I isolate. I do some pretty good emotional self-harm. By "good," I mean very, very bad. Heidi Out. I internalize all of it. I immediately begin to try to figure out what I need to do or who I need to be to make the situation better... to make the person like me/love me/accept me.

*This began as a very young child. We are talking probably around four years old. In order to make things "better," I would try so hard to morph into who I thought people wanted me to be. In order to make people accept me, love me, want me, validate me... I'd run to whoever I thought they wanted me to be.

As you might imagine, this made for an incredibly broken soul. Exhausting. Draining. Impossible to know who I actually was anymore.

Fast-forward 40 years... my Katryna taught me who I was. I was taught, and have practiced every minute of every day since then, that my worth is whole just as I am. I am lovable. I am needed. I am enough. Just as I am.

And, so are you!

Katryna and Erica taught me to stay. Stay in there. Check my vitals. Determine what, if anything, I need to do. Then, act. Or, don't. Feel the feelings. Honor my emotions. Set, and keep, my boundaries. But stay.

Recently, I had a sit-down with a couple. I prefaced the conversation with three rules:

1. Everyone at this table will be 100% open and honest.

2. If things get hard, each person has the right to ask for a two minute break. But, no one at this table will run.

3. Everyone at this table is allowed to have, and honor, their feelings and emotions. However, the conversation will be based on facts.

I gave an example:

Conversation based on feelings and emotions: Heidi: "Burke doesn't care about what I want."

Conversation based on facts: "I keep asking Burke for a fainting goat and he says, "No."

Same story... one based on feelings and emotions that lack truth. The other based on the actual fact.

I no longer run from myself. I do my best, and practice hourly, asking myself what I'm feeling. Honoring those feelings. Determining what, if anything, needs to be done. Moving forward.

*NOTE: When dealing with family members, our intentions and boundaries and realities are often (most of the time) misinterpreted by family members and people on the outside looking in. That's ok. Let them be misinterpreted.

You no longer need to run

Heidi Rae Coaching - You Still Have Time

Babes!!

We have almost made it through January. How do you feel like you're doing?? Personally, the cold air feels very unnecessary. But some people thrive in the cold. Personally, the long and gloomy days can be hard on my soul. But some people absolutely feel their best on days like that. Personally, I am very grateful that the days are getting longer again. But can we just speed that up??

I have a sign in my office that my Miss Birdie gave me years ago. It reads, "It's Never Too Late to Live Happily Ever After."

I have always kept it in my direct line of sight. I need it to remind me often that I'm on a journey, not in a sprinting race. I also have several cards that T sent with flowers. They are all very T-esque! She is my tough-love-sister! One reads, "You have one day to be sad. That's it!! You are more than enough."

These words from my people are so true. We have time. In fact, it's really all we have. What we do with our time matters, yes. BUT, if you are reading this right now - you still have time!

This is just the best news ever!

I am going to tell you a story. Stick with me here because you're going to wonder how it correlates. It does! Pinky promise.

My friend, who also just started doing my hair a few months ago, asked me a question right when I sat in her chair. "What do you want your hair to look like in six months?"

I found my filter for a half a second, wondering why she wasn't asking me what I wanted it to look like this second. Six months?!?! "Ummm, well I'd like it to be more blonde and I'd like it to be longer and more one length than like six different haircuts - looking hair."

Then she explained that she asks that because there is no way to get my hair to the finish line today. Getting it blonde, without it all falling out, is going to take TIME. Getting it to one length when it's been a pixie cut for so long is going to take TIME. Growing it out is going to take TIME.

I loved that she asked me that and that she is doing my hair with the six month marker in mind. Our lives are not that different! We are not going to be who we think we want to be today or tomorrow. That's not how it works. Who do you want to be in six months? Let's start there!

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Know Who You Are & Who You Aren't

 Babes!!

I had such a great conversation with a friend last week. She was telling me about her confidence. I was asking questions about how she came into that confidence, how she discovered it, how she keeps that confidence.

She said a couple of things that really stuck with me and that I wanted to really look into. Today, I want to talk about this.

She said that knowing WHO she is and stating that with others in order to keep her integrity and provide boundaries by stating her truth allows her to be confident in who she is.

Example: If you need a friend who you can call up and they'll go to dinner with you tonight... I am probably not that friend.

If you need a friend who you can text and request love or assurance or prayers from... I am that friend.

If you need a friend who will up and go to a concert with you... I am not that friend.

If you need a friend who will remind you that you are enough always and forever... I am that friend.

If you need a friend who will go to the gym and workout with you... I am not that friend.

If you need a friend who will root for your rise, who will wave at you and even give you a hug at the gym... I am your girl!

If you need a friend to go Black Friday shopping with you... I'm out.

If you need a friend who will give you a shoulder to cry on... my is available for you!

We all have different strengths! We don't need to pretend that our strengths are what they aren't. You are needed just as you are!! My village is made up of people who I love and who I choose to have in my life for so many reasons!!

Heidi Rae Coaching - It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Babes!!

We have already talked about this a few times. We GET to talk about it again because we GET to be reminded of it as many times as we need to be!

Somedays we go along, putting one foot ahead of the other, and we feel just fine, thanks! Other days, we are a hot mess and that's just the way it's going to be for the day, thank you very much. And then there are days when we just feel a bit off. We can't really pinpoint why. We've checked our vitals and we feel like we're doing what we can. But we're just off.

IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

On these days, I keep right on taking care of my vitals.

Am I hungry? If yes, I eat foods that make me feel good.

Do I need water? If yes, I drink up!

Have I moved my body? Even if I'm at work, I get up and stretch. I walk down the hall and back. I do some squats in my office. I get my body moving.

Do I need physical touch? If yes and I'm at work, I'm blessed to have co-workers that I can go ask for a hug from. If no, I put a blanket over me or I turn my heating pad on. If I'm able to, I schedule a pedicure.

Am I overstimulated? If yes (which is VERY often post-stroke), I turn off my lights. I turn off any noise that I have going on that is not necessary. I might close my office door for a minute and just do affirmations or a quick meditation.

If I'm still not feeling super duper, I LET IT ME.

I tell myself out loud:

"Everything is as it should be."

"My value is not up for discussion."

"I am deeply loved."

And I just keep going.