Tonight's Heidicction: Filling Holes & Stopping the Feelings

I love requests.

I love when people message me and say, "Hey! Can you talk about this on the blog or on Heidicction Live?"

I love that people are so courageous and willing to reach out and ask.

The particular message that I received says:
"I think my addiction stemmed from using it to try to "fix" my anxiety/depression. Sometimes I think we use whatever we're addicted to to make things feel better. It's a temporary fix... I'd love to hear your take on it."

I LOVE my Elizabeth Gilbert.
Do you love that I'm a little possessive?

This is what she says in "Eat, Love, Pray:"

In our real lives, we are constantly hopping around to adjust ourselves around discomfort -- physical, emotional and psychological -- in order to evade the reality of grief and nuisance. Grief and nuisances are inevitable in this life...

Facts.

No one likes to feel uncomfortable.

No one likes to feel anxious, depressed, lonely, angry, fearful, confused, sad, broken, frustrated, ignored, cheated, etc.

No one.

So, we eat. 

Or we drink.

Or we smoke.

Or we take pills (other than, or more than, what is prescribed to US).

Or we self harm.

Or we escape into pornography.

Or sex.

Or gaming.

Or shopping.

Or gambling.

I, personally, run to men.

And not good men.

Broken men for the most part.

Men who, very temporarily, take away the feelings.

And, I'm not talking sex.

I'm talking attention, validation - feeling a void.

I'm going to stop for a moment and say that this is why it is imperative - absolutely essential - that, when going through recovery and treatment, it is a two-part process: 

12-step addiction program 

Counseling/therapy/in-patient recovery

It is SO important to find out why we are running from feelings.

And, it is important to find out what healthy methods we ought to be using to deal with these emotions because there are lots!

We are not hopeless.

There are so many resources to help us!

I love when Elizabeth says, "Admit to the existence of negative thoughts, understanding where they came from and why they arrived."

I am also eager to tell you that doing the things listed above doesn't happen like this:

Well, I don't like feeling this way so I'm just going to become an addict.

No, Sherlock.

We start to do, or not do, something that is harmful.

It's gradual.

One day, we are really struggling.

P.S. this is normal.

We might eat more than what our bodies can handle, but we are eating to take away the emotions and feelings.

What this does is cause us to think about the food for that moment, rather than the emotions.

It works for a minute.

And, our brains remember that.

So, we go back to that quick fix again another time.

Or, I am having a lot of bad feelings (just now starting to identify them).

So, I go to a man.

I go over or I talk to him.

In those few minutes, I don't feel those bad feelings.

I feel excitement. I feel relief. I fill a void.

The crazy thing is this:

It is SO temporary.

Afterwards, we still have the bad feelings and now we feel worse because of what we've done.

It sucks the suck.

I had an eating disorder for a couple of years.

I didn't eat.

I weighed 103 pounds.

It was my way of having control over something, because my life was out of control.

I could control what I put in my mouth.

I got to the point where I would feel so sick when I would eat.

So, I just didn't.

Now I was tired, lethargic, weak, sick, in pain, needing heart surgery and I STILL had bad feelings.

Not awesome.

It's so important to realize that we have emotions and feelings and they are normal.

Everyone has them!

We also have control over our minds.

That can be very hard to comprehend.

I hate when people say that because I've never felt like I do.

It takes serious practice.

Controlling our minds is an action and it requires doing it over and over and over and over until the end of time.

Congratulations!

It's okay to seek medical help with anxiety and depression and ADHD and OCD and OOD and other mental health issues.

It isn't bad or embarrassing or value-lowering.

It is okay to seek counseling (PLEASE DO).

It is okay to stop and say, "I think I have an issue and I need help."

In fact, it's the best things we can possibly do.

Tomorrow on the blog - taking this to our kids!