Answers Come to Prayers

As I began the recovery process, I felt that my testimony literally fell into the street.

The street where dirty tires on beat up cars roll by.

The street where garbage is strewn.

The street where people come and where they go.

Think about that for a minute.

Whilst deep into my addiction, I didn't question my testimony.

It wasn't until I started recovery that I REALLY questioned what it was that I thought I believed.

Now, there were outside people and experiences that certainly added to me questioning what I thought I had always believed.

But, now.

Now.

Now was the time when my testimony was on my mind a lot.

We discussed this in therapy.

I discussed this with T.

I thought about it a lot.

In fact, I felt it was on my mind constantly.

One night in Group, a recovering addict (female) talked about how she had decided that she was starting over with her testimony and her conversion.

She had taken steps to really strip herself of her outward testimony, or belief.

She was placing herself at the start line and she was going to make sure that what she thought she'd always believed was real to her still.

I found so much integrity in that.

I so admired her resolve to start all over again.

I also admired her husband, who respected her and supported her in this decision.

It was time for me to do the same.

Never have I ever questioned the reality of God, or His Son.

Never have I questioned that I was His daughter.

But, where was He?

Was I loveable?

Was I too far gone and too far removed from His love?

For real.

Now, of course T told me no.

Katryna told me ne.

But, I needed to know for me.

I began to REALLY pray.

Like, just to talk to Him.

About whatever I felt like saying.

Whenever I felt like saying it.

In whatever way felt right for me to say it.

This was not always the spiritually correct way of doing it... whatever that even means.

I found value in these moments.

I found truth in these moments.

Prayer is where it's at for me.

Although there are countless answers to my prayers daily, and some too personal to share on my blog, I want to discuss a few VERY real answers to my prayers:

1. Dashing: Every door dashing shift begins with a prayer. It is always a very descriptive prayer. We pray for safety. We pray that my health will remain strong. We pray that the car will function properly. Then we pray for our specific financial needs. We pray that God will make up the difference for us. The answers to these prayers have been SO real, SO tangible that it's almost shocking. "Almost" shocking because it shouldn't be shocking, but I continue to be amazed by the real witness that God knows me and my boys. He knows our needs. He knows that I am giving it everything I have. And, He TRULY is making up the difference.

2. Saturday was a ROUGH dashing day. In the first five hours, we had only made $40 of the $150 we needed to make that night. We had two really, really hard experiences with restaurants, and thus the customers waiting for two hours for their food. I told Colton five hours in that we were just going to quit and go home. Colton, who I guarantee sees and hears things the rest of us don't, said, "No, Mom. We are scheduled for three more hours. We don't quit. I will say another prayers." He did. And, in the next one and a half hour, we laughed, we rejoiced, we were kept safe and we made up the difference needed. Literally.

3. Our financial needs are being met in other, very surprising ways. One lender sent me a message Saturday. It read, "Please accept your December payment paid in full as a Christmas gift from us." That is a $200 payment that is paid in full for December.

4. Since finding out that Katryna was leaving, I have not been worried about counseling, as I have a neuro team at IMC that I will continue to see. I have been worried about the spiritual aspect of her leaving. More than half of my counseling is spiritual in nature. I have been losing sleep over this worry. Yesterday, in Sacrament Meeting, a new couple was introduced into our ward. I kid you not, People - the couple is a husband and wife who have attended Group multiple times. They are very well known recovering addicts in our area. They do firesides and other activities for recovering addicts and now they are in OUR WARD. For real. For real.

5. I am so grateful for the faith that my children have. I am so grateful that they, too, believe in prayer and the that they believe that when they pray, their prayers will be answered.