Happiness

I love this quote.

So much.

Happiness was not a feeling I understood.

Just like all of the feelings and emotions, it is one that I have had to learn.

One of the best parts of happiness, I think, is that it's not up to anyone else.

The second best part of happiness is that no one is expected to be "happy" every minute of every day.

There is an ebb and flow to all emotions.

I really was the person who, all of my life, felt like happiness was something that would come after something...

After I was married...

After I had children...

After I lost weight...

After I had no more crushing financial difficulties...

After I was a better mom...

After after after...

Last week was a bit of a "what's wrong with me" week...

I didn't go to the gym once.

I was exhausted - emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. 

I have increased post-stroke symptoms that are frustrating and confusing and scary.

I didn't make a hot meal for my children once.

They ate things like cheese quesadillas, cold cereal, mac and cheese and sandwiches.

I ate those same things right along with them!

The check engine light came on in my car.

Then it went off.

Now it's back on.

I felt, once again, like happiness was just a little too far off for my reach.

This quote reminded me that this is not ever the case.

I can CHOOSE to be happy in every stage of disappointing, frightening, maddening, sad times.

My kids are still healthy, growing boys - despite the fact that I didn't make a hot meal for them until Sunday and yesterday.

The car is still running and is getting me to where I need to be whilst dashing.

The new symptoms are just part of my "new normal." 

They are what they are and I will keep going regardless.

I went to the gym the last two days and I still know how to use the equipment.

My body still responds well to exercise.

It's OK that I didn't go for a week.

Food prep for this week is done.

I have option to smile through the hard and through the not-so-hard.

And, I do.

Colton made me laugh whilst dashing with me three straight days.

Like, snorting laughter.

Kaydon has super-awesome stories.

Braxton has girls with crushes on him all over the dang valley - some of whom I see whilst dashing.

Awkward!

We should be happy.

But on days when we're not, it's OK!