You Actually CANNOT Choose Your Feelings!!!!!

Do you know how difficult it was to find a quote that is the actual truth?

HARD!

I have ALWAYS heard that we can CHOOSE to be happy instead of sad.

We can CHOOSE to be happy instead of mad.

We can CHOOSE to feel one way when our body feels a different way.

There are quotes all over social media about how we NEED to be CHOOSING our feelings.

This has added increased anxiety to me...

A feeling that I'm failing because I can't change my feelings.

We discussed this in counseling, and again in my appointment this morning.

And, guess what??

Sure as shit it isn't a thing!!!!!!

We cannot change our feelings.

We can change our attitude.

We can change our behavior.

But we cannot change our feelings.

Feelings are actually chemical-based.

And ALL feelings have a purpose!

Read that again.

ALL feelings have a purpose.

If someone is sad, they recognize that they are grieving something that they had a connection to.

If someone is angry, they recognize that they feel that they have been betrayed or hurt or damaged.

If someone is depressed, they just might have depression!

And those feelings cannot be changed.

What we shouldn't do is judge them.

I'm a queen self judger!

Like, an expert self judger.

Like, PLEASE someone make a medal!

What we can do is change our actions and our attitude and behavior.

So, working out makes me feel better.

Coloring makes me feel better.

Baking makes me feel better.

So, I NEED to set appointments with myself to do those things that bring me joy.

And, I need to be accountable to myself, or others, for doing those things.

My depression, as I have said, is at about a 10 right now.

My actions show that.

I am wanting to go to bed.

All day.

I have still made my appointments.

I have still been at my full-time job all week.

But, that's about it.

Last night, one of the guys messaged me and told me to get to the gym.

I went.

All I did was walk for an hour, but oh, how I felt better!

I went into the tanning booth for 10 minutes and got some UV light.

Winter is hardest for me because my body craves sunlight.

It felt SO good.

And I got lots of hugs from my guys.

It was just what I needed.

My depression, my feelings of sadness, being overwhelmed, even being resentful are telling me something...

I can't choose to be happy instead of those things, but I can choose to do things that bring me joy.

And, People. 

Let's be real.

If people could CHOOSE happiness over other feelings, wouldn't everyone choose that??

It's not a thing.