PTSD

PTSD Episode:

Characterized by feelings of fear and panic, along with flashbacks and sudden, vivid memories of an intense, traumatic event in your past.

...Now psychiatrists have found that PTSD can also result from being a patient in the ICU at a hospital...

Tuesday night, Mike took me to the hospital.

Well, he took me to InstaCare who then red-flagged me and then wheeled me quickly down the walkway to the ER.

The lobby was full, as far as I could hear.

I could not open my eyes or remove my hand from my forehead to look, but it sounded packed.

IV in my right arm.

Some terrible cocktail of Benadryl in my IV.

And this is when I lost it completely.

I wanted to rip the IV out of my arm and get out of there.

Although, I knew I couldn't go anywhere without help.

I was begging Mike to get me out of there.

They sent me for a CAT scan with contrast.

I wanted to die.

I was begging to get out of there.

They wanted a urine sample but I panicked because I couldn't bend my right arm (IV) to wipe.

So, no.

They said they needed a pregnancy test, even though Mike told them the facilities have been removed.

The doctor said we needed to do an MRI.

That was the last straw for me.

I wanted OUT.

I didn't care at this point if my brain exploded right there on the table.

*I know that's graphic but that is where I was emotionally and mentally.

I said "no" to the MRI.

I had to sign a paper that said I was going against medical advice.

They got the IV out of my arm and I was gone.

I can't remember a time when I was so panicked in the hospital and just couldn't take it.

It was WAY too much.

I realized at that point that I have PTSD.

And it's something I will need to work on as time goes on.

But today, I am thankful to be at work again.

 I am thankful for my husband and boys who are my greatest advocates.

I am thankful that my brain didn't explode on the table.