Be Proud!

I've talked about Mrs. Kuiper before.

She was my second grade teacher.

I can still picture her face, her hair, the skin on her hands.

I can literally remember her voice.

She taught us to "never brag."

"People don't like people who brag."

Like most things, I took that to the extreme!

I went to the opposite side of the spectrum and hated myself, even though I so desperately needed to self-validate due to the environment I was in.

I needed, so badly, to recognize the worth in my self.

I had therapy this morning.

Bless my therapists and coaches!

My homework for the next two weeks is to actively talk to that inner child in me.

Show that inner child compassion and grace.

We are not who we were.

We are a work in progress always.

We are on a journey always.

We get to celebrate that journey!

 

Podcast #5 - Triggers

 

Podcast #5

What I Needed

So much of last week was just what I needed.

My boys (we SO missed Braxton).

Sunshine.

Warmth.

Coloring.

Word puzzling.

Baseball.

This chair was my best buddy.

I sat in the same one, next to the same table for six days straight.

I thought a lot while I sat in that chair.

I sang to the songs playing over the speakers.

I ate apples and grapes and trail mix.

It was just what I needed.

On Friday, we drove to Fresno to see family.

And the triggers came.

And came.

And came.

I didn't handle it as well as I could have, that's for sure.

I am still feeling the effects of it all today.

Tonight on the podcast, we are going to deep-dive into triggers!

 

Am I The Only One?

Aside from being completely elated that I was an addict, and that there was hope for me, I wondered if I was the only one with a "process addiction."

I had never even heard of process addictions.

Was that even a thing?
Or, were they just trying to put me in a box that wasn't even in existence?

Of course I Googled process addiction.

It's real, I found.

I researched and researched the differences between substance and process, the way addiction effects ALL addicts' brains, the paths of hope for addicts, etc.

I still felt a bit alone, though.

And I felt a stigma...

But not from regular folks.

I was scared to talk about my addiction, in fear that substance addicts would judge me and tell me that I wasn't a "real addict."

Then I attended my first 12-step meeting.

The 12-step meetings I attend are for ALL addictions.

Have I mentioned that I LOVE addicts?!

It was there that I felt a tangible Spirit I had never quite felt before.

It was there that I felt whole.

It was there that I felt seen and heard and loved and NOT judged.

It was there that I realized that I am NOT the only one.

There are so many of us.

And, we are worthy.

If you are struggling to understand how to let go of your addictions, please reach out!

There is hope!

And happiness.

And health ahead.

Keep trying.

Keep walking.

You are seen and heard and loved AND WORTHY.

If you would like to work with me one-on-one, please reach out to me.

 

This.

This.

I want to be this tribe for people.

I want this for every single human on Earth.

Just imagine what our brothers and sisters who are hurting would be like if, instead of telling them all of the awful things they have done or going and telling a story to others in order to cause pain and hurt, we brought them in.

What if we spent time reminding them of their worth?

What if we spent time telling them that they are loved and needed and wanted?

What if we told them that we see them and hear them?

What if we offered to pray with them?

Imagine if we chose this instead of unloving letters or hurtful comments or gossip or lies.

This.

 

Therapy

I love therapy.

I am a huge proponent for therapy.

HUGE!

I have my Erica, who is my neuropsychiatrist.

She is on my stroke team and I see her at least once a month.

Her job is to keep me alive.

I had my Katryna, who moved far far away.

She got me through the first several months of addiction recovery.

Her job was to save my salvation!!!!

Here's the thing about therapy:

You have to find the right therapist(s) for you.

You need to be all-in.

You need to do the homework you are given.

You need to be consistent.

 

Living In Your Worth - The ABC's of Living in Your Worth With Process Addiction Podcast #3

 

Podcast #3:

https://youtu.be/ZV31sDbe1ic

Tonight's Podcast

I am going to talk a bit about process addiction tonight on the podcast.

It will post on my business page on Facebook.

And, I will post a link here tomorrow!

 

Falling & Following

Kaydon and I went hiking last Sunday.

Per usual, I fell down the mountain on the decent.

Falling down things is basically my M.O.

We had literally just begun the decent, too.

After I hit the ground HARD, I heard Kaydon come up behind me.

"Ma! Are you alright?!"

He pulled me up, dusted me off, looked at the cuts and scrapes...

Again, per usual, we had no first aid with us at all.

Then, he said something that I have not been able to get out of my mind:

"Ma. I'll go in front. You follow. Put your hand on my shoulder and follow me."

That's exactly what I did the rest of the hike.

There were several times when he'd take my hands and help me down boulders, or tell me to take a different route to avoid slippery sand.

He would show me the way he wanted me to climb down, then reach his hand out for me to take.

He told me several times, "We are in no hurry. Just take your time."

This is what Christ does every minute of every single day with us.

He pulls us up, dusts us off...

Tells us that He'll go in front and asks us to follow Him.

He shows us better, safer routes and allows us to choose for ourselves.

He holds His hands out constantly for us to grab hold of.

He soothes our wounds and calms our fears.

Every single day.

I find that my climbs and my descents are SO much easier when I take His hand, put my trust in His ways, and follow Him.

He never tells me that He's in a hurry, or that there is a rush.

He understands that I'm going to choose the hardest routes and that I am almost always going to fall down.

He loves me anyways and grants me my agency.

Living in our worth is allowing Him to guide us and following the route He shows us.

If you would like to work with me one-on-one, you can message me or go to my Facebook Page: Live In Your Worth and book an appointment.

 

I Am

A barrier that often occurs for most of us, not just addicts, is knowing who we are.

We tend to morph into our environments, our experiences, our thoughts, etc.

The first step in awareness is really being willing to discover who we are.

Underneath it all.

Who are we?

Normally when we ask this question, the answers are often the following:

- I am a mother

- I am a sister

- I am a woman

- I am an office supervisor

- I am a coach

While those are true, those are not all.

Who are you?

I am Heidi.

I am worthy.

I am brave.

I am resilient.

I am capable.

I am resourceful.

I am courageous.

I am fierce.

I am unique.

I am bold.

I am motivated.

I am also a mother.

I am a sister, an auntie, a friend.

I am a coach.

I am also a full-time employee.

I am a sports fan.

I am a colorer.

Who are you?

 

Lou

Last week, I met Lou.

Last week, there was some commotion in the lobby at work.

This is NOT unusual.

In fact, it is unusual for it not to happen.

However, I needed to go to the bathroom.

In order to go to the restroom, we walk out of our locked-from-the-outside door which goes to our offices and around the corner in the lobby.

As soon as I walked out the door, the woman making the commotion was right in my face.

She was highly agitated.

She had a hospital bracelet still on her wrist, and was holding paperwork.

She was yelling at me about how she needed counseling.

I quieted her down kindly and asked her if she was asking me for help.

She was VERY agitated.

She said she did.

I told her I would get her help.

She tried to follow me back through the door.

I sat her down in the lobby and told her I was going to get her help.

I went to my office and called dispatch.

I gave them the information I had, then hung up.

I went back to the lobby and told her I was getting her help.

I asked her if she wanted me to sit with her and she said she did.

So, I sat down.

In between her yells, screams, cussing, agitation, shaking, trying to hurt herself, etc. I held her hand and asked her questions about her children.

Soon, the police and paramedics arrived.

They knew her.

They had helped her the day before by taking her to the hospital.

She was actively trying to get hit by a car.

She had been taken to the hospital the day before, and again this very morning.

Because she is homeless, they would just release her with a bus ticket and her discharge papers, clearly stating she was suicidal.

The paramedic was SO sweet with her.

She wouldn't let me leave her side, and I didn't mind sitting with her.

"Lou" is human, too.

She is a daughter of the same God we all are.

On this day, she was seen and heard.

By me.

She just wanted someone to listen and to hold her hand.

Lou has lots of mental health issues.

But, her worth is no less.

I have prayed for Lou each day since.

I have also thanked God that I was able to sit with her that day.

To tell her that I see her.

That I hear her.

That she was safe in those moments.

I prayed with gratitude for our first responders who exhaustively do this multiple times a day.

If I was living in my past, I would have been too engulfed in my process addiction.

Yes, I would have had compassion for Lou.

But, I would not have seen her through God's eyes.

Don't cheat on your future, or your present, with your past.

You just might miss Lou moments.

 

Podcast #2 - The ABC's of Living in Your Worth with Process Addiction

https://youtu.be/3g8b5ZxxCtw

Worth

Love me some Brad Wilcox!

"Worthiness is not flawlessness."

"The Lord sees weakness different than rebellion."

Progress is a process. It is done in degrees.

Small, daily bites of goodness will help that process along.

We simply have to put forth effort today; another effort tomorrow; and keep going each day.

His message was PERFECT for recovering addicts!

 

Invite Only

Have the best weekend!