Process Addiction - Happy Christmas!

Hello Addicts!

I am taking a break, beginning tomorrow, from social media and this blog.

I will be returning on January 3rd.

You are still able to make appointments for coaching by either messaging me or booking it on the Facebook Business Page!

I will be getting Facebook Messenger messages, Instagram messages and text messages still!!

During the break, I will be working on a Validation Process Addiction MiniCourse.

I can't wait!!

 

Process Addiction - Self Acceptance

In order to be in our true self, we need to be in a state of mind where we truly believe we have a purpose and we belong.

Not belong in a certain circle.

Or organized group.

But that we belong HERE.

In this world. 

Just as we are.

Of course, self-acceptance comes with the knowledge of who you are and from where you come.

But, actively accepting ourselves includes positive SELF affirmations.

Thought work.

Journaling.

Meditation.

Prayer.

All the things!!

Once we recognize that our worth is unending, infinite and not up for discussion, we have this amazing ability to live authentically!!

 

Process Addiction - It's Okay To Be Sad

I absolutely freaking love this quote:

We so often believe that sadness is a negative emotion because it's uncomfortable.

We automatically decide that if we are sad after making a decision, it had to have been the wrong decision.

It is often just the opposite!

Sadness is JUST an emotion.

It can mean that we cared about something or someone and now we are setting boundaries with them.

It can mean that we will miss the social aspect of certain activities that we are choosing to no longer participate in.

It can mean that the decision we are making is not in alignment with what we saw for our future self.

It can mean that we are worried about being lonely...

But, it's not a dangerous emotion.

You aren't in danger when you are sad!

Validate your emotion.

Sit with your emotion.

I find that if I write out on a piece of paper exactly what I am feeling, it helps me to define the emotion and to keep my thoughts and narrative in alignment with the circumstance/fact.

Current example:

My Kaydon flies out to Puerto Rico tomorrow morning.

I will not hug him for almost two years.

I am sad.

I am anxious.

Emotions.

I feel uneasy.

I feel chaotic.

I feel like my chest is heavy.

I am much more quiet today than usual.

Feelings.

Originally this morning, I had thoughts like:

What is wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?

Heidi, stop it.

Think about those for a minute.

I am judging myself for having emotions and feelings.

I then wrote down everything I was feeling.

Now, my thoughts are:

I am sad that my KK is leaving and I won't be able to hug him for two years.

I am so grateful that he is doing exactly what he's been preparing for for two years.

I am so honored to be the mom of these boys.

Tomorrow I will cry.

Maybe today I'll cry.

Crying is OK.

You did good, Heidi!

Do you see the difference?

Just a little thought work can put us welcoming in our emotion and creating thoughts whereby we can hold space for ourselves and our feelings.

 

Active Recovery - Process Addiction

Do you, or any of your loved ones, struggle with process addiction?

Remember:

Process Addictions encompass ALL addictions that are not substance (alcohol and drugs).

I am here to help you through active recovery!
We use the 12 Steps, Simplified and WITH Christ, to find help, hope and happiness ahead.

Active Recovery is a beautiful journey and I am here to go through it with you!

 

We Didn't Fail

This.

Our brains go right to: "I didn't earn their love."

"I didn't do enough for them to love me."

"I messed up too many times for them to love me."

In fact, it's not our fault that those who were supposed to love us didn't.

 

Stop Pretending!

How many of us pretend we aren't hurting? How many of us put on a brave face and go do the thing... only to never heal? How many of us just figure we are inept, there is something inately wrong with us, or there is just no hope for us?

We can't heal until we are aware of our hurt and ready to face it.

1. Be honest with yourself (awareness) When we pretend that everything is fine, the pain will re-surface and the impact will be ten-fold.

2. Ask for help (believe) Don't struggle in silence. Let your village know that you aren't coping well.

3. Talk openly. Whether it is a loved one who will listen to you without judgement, a counselor and/or a coach - share your feelings. Talking openly is a huge step in healing.

4. Learn to say "no" more often. Do less things better rather than doing everything asked of you.

5. REJOICE and reward yourself! We are so good at belittling ourselves and telling ourselves that we are failing. Flip the switch! Remind yourself that you do so many things well!

6. Accept that perfect is not possible!!! Strive to be happy and to have joy. Perfection is not a thing!

7. Make time for you. We fulfill SO many roles. Don't lose sight of YOU. Give yourself permission to take time for you.

8. Start putting yourself first. Once you put yourself back on the to-do list, you will see that it is invaluable to prioritize yourself.

9. Stop comparing yourself to others. Please!! Heidi, stop it!! We all feel inadequate and overwhelmed. We are supposed to be us. We can ONLY be us. We are unique and our worth is endless!

If you would like to work with me one-on-one, click the Book Now button at the top of the page!

 

Connecting

Somehow, this morning I came upon a little snippet of a podcast.

It included Abby Wombach, her wife Glennon Doyle, and Brene Brown.

Y'all know I love Brene Brown!

This snippet hit me right in every bit of feels I have!

Brene talked about how it's not our job to fix or save anyone.

Our job is to sit with people and connect with them and their feelings.

She says it so much more eloquently.

But, that's where the magic happens.

As an addict, I worked tirelessly to fix or save people - in particular men.

I was going to love them enough that they would love me back.

I was going to fix everything that was wrong in their lives.

They'd see.

I'd be everything for them!

First of all, that is addiction.

Second of all, it was never my job to fix them or save them.

We literally have a Savior who has done that... and WAY better than I ever could have.

The magic happens when we connect with people we truly love.

We sit with them in their feelings and their emotions.

We hold that space for them.

The example that she uses is one that I love:

Her kiddo comes home from school after really having their feelings hurt by another child.

They're sad and angry and confused and anxious.

Instead of (and this is so me!!) saying, "I'll call the school," or, "I'll call their parents right now," (again, SO ME!)...

We just sit with them.

We ask them how they're feelings.

We ask them what emotions they have.

We validate them.

We reassure them.

We love them.

We create connection by creating space for their emotions and their feelings.

This is connection.

This is healing.

 

Wounded Child Signs

Awareness.