Fill Us Up

"The whole world paused this morning. Do you know why? Because an 8 year old’s tank was empty.

The boys had already started their school day at their desks and I was preparing to leave for work when I noticed my littlest standing in the bathroom wiping his face.

I paused at the door and asked if he was okay. He looked up with tears silently dripping and shook his head. When I questioned if something happened, again he shook his head.

So I sat on the side of the tub and pulled him in my lap. I told him sometimes our heart tanks feel empty and need to be refilled.

He cried into my chest and I held tight.

I asked if he could feel my love filling him up?

A nod, and tears stopped...

I waited a minute...

‘Has it reached your toes yet?’

He shook his head no...

‘Okay man. We will take as long as you need. Work doesn’t matter right now. School isn’t important either. This right here, is the most important thing today, okay? Filling you back to the top. Is that good?’

*nods*

One more minute...

‘Is your heart full of mamas love now?’

‘Yeah...’

*looks in his eyes* ‘I see it shining in there, you’re full to the top, and you’re smiling!’

You may not be 8 - you may be 28, 38, 48 or whatever- but ALL of us run on empty just like he did. His week was so busy and so full and his little soul was just dry!

We all have to pause, and take a moment to refill with the good things. prayer, sunshine, laughter, friends, hugs. Refill your empty, or you’ll find those emotions (tears, anger, snappy words) overflowing with no reason why.

Take a moment. Refill. It’s the most important part of your day!"

Author unknown (I looked)

 

Process Addiction - Patience

Monday night, I was searching for answers to questions I didn't even know I had!
Do you ever have days or moments when you just feel blah?

Like, do I need to cry it out?
If I do, what am I even crying about?

That was my Monday.

I opened my phone and this talk by President Uchtdorf from 2010!! came up.

It's called, "Continue in Patience."

From 12 years ago and it was word-for-word exactly what my soul needed and I can't stop reading it!

I told B Beck all about it yesterday and Kaydon has been sent the article.

This is one quote from it:

 Active recovery requires genuine, necessary PATIENCE.

With yourself.

But look at those promises:

purifying process

refines our understanding

deepens happiness

focuses action

offers hope for peace

YES, PLEASE.

Process Addiction - Validation Addiction: What It Is & What It Is Not

Validation Addiction is not Narcissism. 

Validation is an INTENSE (physiological) desire to have the validation of outside sources and avoid rejection at ALL cost.

Validation Addiction can often show up as an eating disorder, exercise addiction, sex addiction, gambling addiction, codependency (toxic relationship addiction), spending addiction, and more.

Validation Addiction is oftentimes an underlying addiction, which appears as the above.

Validation Addiction is NOT narcissism.

It is not putting others down or bullying.

It is not name dropping.

It is not trying to control every social event.

It is not bragging about ourselves (with truth or untruths).

It is not fishing for compliments.

It is not narcissism.

 

Process Addiction - Consider the Lilies

https://youtu.be/F-b3bybTDSQ?list=RDF-b3bybTDSQ

Consider the lilies of the field,

How they grow, how they grow.
Consider the birds in the sky,
How they fly, how they fly.
He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky.
And He will feed those who trust Him,
And guide them with His eye.

Consider the sheep of His fold,
How they follow where He leads.
Though the path may wind across the mountains,
He knows the meadows where they feed.

He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky,
And He will feed those who trust Him,
And guide them with His eye.

Consider the sweet, tender children
Who must suffer on this earth.
The pains of all of them He carried
From the day of His birth.
He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs in His fold,
And He will heal those who trust Him,
And make their hearts as gold.

He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs in His fold,
And He will heal those who trust Him,
And make their hearts as gold.

Process Addiction - Praise God

It is obvious that, in my 12 Steps Simplified and With Christ, I don't believe that recovery can take place without God, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Atonement.

I also KNOW that it's not just enough to believe in a God, a Savior, and the Atonement...

We must actively seek, communicate with, and trust in them.

We must actively use the Atonement.

We must.

And, we need to PRAISE GOD.

I have been watching Christian movies at night as I lay in bed.

They are so great.

The one I watched last night was called, "A Box of Faith."

Becky Beck has told me multiple times that it's important to write our desires, to speak them out loud.

This movie reminded me of that importance.

I made myself a dang faith box this morning.

I'm going to write love notes to my Heavenly Father.

Even in the deepest human ravine, we can find things to praise God for.

 

Process Addiction - Power In Change

Active Recovery.

One thing I've learned about addiction and recovery is that everyone is at a different stage of one, or both.

I was in ACTIVE addiction for over 30 years.

I just didn't know it was an addiction.

As you might recall, I thought there was something inately wrong with me.

The moment I heard that I was an addict, I was ALL IN on recovery.

Whatever I had to do, I was ALL IN.

I was SO ready for change.

It was THE most powerful moment in my life.

I got to learn how to take my agency back.

Easy?
NO.

SO worth it, though.

Some people at this very moment are in active addiction, are aware that they are in active addiction, but don't want to change.

Some people at this very moment are in active addiction, but are unaware that they are in active addiction -- meaning, they don't really feel like it's something that can't just stop doing on their own.

Wherever you are in active addiction or active recovery, there is hope, help, health and happiness ahead!

Reach out!

 

Process Addiction - God's LOVE

Sunday night, I attended a youth event.

I spoke to the girls at the event, but the boys listened... I think.

I had prepared this talk weeks ago.

However, when I stood in front them and looked at them as I spoke I FELT God's love for them.

I didn't see their weaknesses or their flaws or their mistakes or their hurts or their sadnesses or their fears.

I only FELT love for them.

It was tangible.

God's love for each of us is REAL.

Afterwards, I joked with one of the parents that I was surprised I wasn't called to be with the young men...

Which is not actually a thing.

I expressed that I have no idea what to do with girls!

However, that night as I looked in the faces of these beautiful young women I said to them, "We love you because He loves you."
That was not part of my talk.

But I couldn't have been more sincere.

I love them because He loves them.

My goal is to help them to KNOW that, too.

To help them to know that I love them.

To help them know that they are holy as they are.

To help them know that they were born for a time such as this.

 

Process Addiction - Lyrics

Today's Action Item:
Write down the lyrics to your favorite song.

Read them.

Write about the emotions and feelings they create within you.

What thoughts come along with those emotions and feelings?

Mine:

I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are

But I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh

Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
This is me

And I know that I deserve your love
(Oh-oh-oh-oh) There's nothing I'm not worthy of
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out
This is brave, this is bruised
This is who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out
I'm gonna send a flood
Gonna drown 'em out
Oh
This is me

Process Addiction - Action Item (Feeling Happiness)

Today's Action Item:
List TEN things that make you FEEL happy.

I have way more than ten and these are not in order:

1. My kids

2. My grandbaby

3. Asher and Anson

4. Coke Zero

5. Baseball games

6. Music

7. Coloring

8. Sunshine

9. Fresh Yellow Flowers

10. Touch

 

Process Addiction - Action Item for Bravery

Today's Action Item:

Describe, in writing, a time when you were brave.

Mine:

This one is from about 30 years ago.

I was a teenaged girl, desperately seeking friends, approval, validation...

I was sleeping over at a "friend's" house.

It was LATE - around midnight.

She, her brothers, her brother's friends had all started playing a game that was very dark and scary.

I felt unsafe.

I felt SCARED.

I told her that I needed to go to the bathroom.

Instead, I went to her room where she had a phone. (no cell phones back then)

I quietly called my dad and asked him to come pick me up.

I then went back to her and said that I had forgotten that my uncle was coming in town and my dad was on his way to pick me up.

She never spoke to me again.

Yes, I lied.

Yes, it would have been more brave to tell her that I wasn't comfortable and wanted to go home.

But in that moment, I just knew I needed to get out of there.

And I did.

Bravery doesn't always look brave.

A lot of the time, it looks messy and silly and it feels less than courageous.

Brave is brave, though.

 

Process Addiction - Today's Challenge

Today's Action Item:
 Describe comfort, to you, using all five senses.

Remember to WRITE IT DOWN!

Me:
Sight: my kids, my grandbaby, my mountains, sunshine

Hear: my kids' voices, the ocean, music

Smell: cookies, bread

Taste: Coke Zero (seriously)

Touch: heating pads, the feel of sunshine on my skin, my kids' and grandbaby's hugs

 

Process Addiction - Self Love Action Items

Validation Addiction makes it imperative that we are able to speak to ourselves kindly.

"You is kind. You is smart. You is important!!"

So, 

TODAY:

Write down three things you love about yourself!

Key:

It is imperative that you WRITE IT DOWN.

Take yourself out of emotional brain and put yourself into intelligent brain.

Remember it!

Believe it!

My three things about my dang self today:

1. I love that I am passionate.

2. I love that I raised amazing kids!

3. I love that I am more aware!

 

Process Addiction - Blueprint Podcast

 Click Here To Watch Podcast

Process Addiction - Blueprints

One of the most imperative activities for me, to stay in active recovery, includes awareness and accountability.

I need to be aware of my daily thoughts, actions, and words.

I need to hold myself accountable to them as well.

In order to do that, I have decided to give myself a 2022 motto as you know.

It is:

I have also decided to implement a monthly blueprint for myself.

All blueprints/vision boards/goals look different. 

I have decided that each month, I will focus on the same five "categories."

Spiritual

Family

Physical

Process Addiction Coaching

Farmasi

I write these down on my white board which sits in my office.

I then write down 1+ goal(s) in each category.

These are one-month goals.

These are doable.

These relate to my yearly motto.

These relate to who I want to be now and in the future.

Then, at night I hold my personal daily inventory.

I write in my daily inventory journal what I did well.

Then, I go with my "Next Time, I Will" prompt and write about the things I can and will do differently next time.

Example:

My Farmasi Category for this month has only one goal:

"Follow Build A Legacy Model"

My Family Category for this month has only one goal:

"Hold a Dinner and Game Night"

My other categories have multiple goals.

I strongly suggest doing something similar to this to keep yourself aware and accountable!

 

Process Addiction - Progress

Look at these two.

Heidi 1.0 on the left.

Heidi 2.0 on the right.

Heidi Rae.

Ten years apart.

Let's dive in, shall we?

Heidi on the left:

Single mama.

Willingly diving head first into toxic relationships. (validation addiction/codependency)

Willingly starving myself. (eating disorder/validation addiction)

Just out of the psych ward (thanks to Miss Birdie) for an eating disorder and wanting so badly to die.

One month away from a hysterectomy.

A few months away from a cardiac ablation.

Five years away from a stroke.

Broken.

Battered.

Searching for validation.

Searching to feel valued.

Feeling completely unlovable.

Feeling like a failure.

Kids were still having surgeries.

Stitches and staples.

Moves.

New schools for them.

My sweet boys.

Heidi on the right:

Single mama.

Gigi.

Auntie.

Sister.

Friend.

Coach.

Knows my worth and from where it comes.

20 pounds heavier on purpose.

In active addiction recovery for 19 months.

Whole.

Complete.

Passionate.

Boundary maker and keeper.

Finds validation in my Heavenly Parents.

Actively uses the Atonement.

Kids are grown.

Working.

Living their best lives.

Three high school graduates, last one graduating this year.

Two missionaries.

Four honorable men that I have raised who have integrity, compassion, patience (they've raised me!!), love, humor, and are just the best.

Progress.

Not just physical progress.

Progress.

 

Process Addiction - Our Words

My Coach, Becky Beck, was talking to me about words.

We tell ourselves stories with words that we think to ourselves or that we speak to ourselves.

I was telling her about some emotions and feelings I was having.

She keyed in on words I was using and suggested different ways for me to change those words, thus changing the narrative/story in my head.

Words ARE energy.

Words can determine our thoughts, which determine our emotions and our story.

We need to be very aware of the words we are using in our minds - about ourselves and about others...

About situations, circumstances, and facts.

About people and situations.

Awareness.

 

Process Addiction Recovery: Next Time, I Will...

Click Here For A Short Podcast