Process Addiction - Self Sabotage

One of the things I love most about what I do is having people send me messages that say that they have come to realize that they are an addict.

I get SO excited for them!!

Yesterday, I received a message from a lady who is now aware that she is addicted to self-sabotage and self negative talk.

OKAY!!!

Awareness is the key to starting our journeys to active recovery and feeling better!

Self-sabotage is a process addiction.

I believe that, like all addictions, validation addiction is the gateway addiction.

Also like all addictions, it is a form of self-harm and self-abuse.

Stop and think about those words.

They are direct and harsh!

Abuse is a word that no one takes lightly.

It's against the law.

But, somehow self-abuse is "okay?"

It's not!

It is never okay!

They way we treat ourselves is how we teach others to treat us.

Awareness is always the first step.

Then belief.

I believe that with God and the Atonement, I can be healthy - mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Then faith.

I have faith that God's plan for me is better than my plan for me. 

We do the self-inventory to figure out where this came from.

We discover our triggers and make our boundaries.

And, we learn and KNOW that our worth is one hundred - not up for discussion by anyone and certainly not up for discussion by ourselves.

 

Process Addiction - Mental Health Model

This is SUCH a great model!

The mental health model is also a great addiction model.

Addiction has biological, psychological, social and environmental effects.

This is fantastic.

 

Process Addiction - Flipping The Switch

Yesterday was a beautiful Spring Day.

The flowers and the trees haven't bloomed yet, but it was 80 degrees with a little breeze.

The left side of my face has been struggling a bit over the last week.

I knew that I couldn't do any sensory yesterday, so I went for a walk long my favorite Layton Parkway Trail.

The ducks were busily playing.

The stream was running.

The sound of water is so healing for me.

I just walked.

Looked.

Felt my feet hit the ground.

Heard the leaves rustling, the ducks quacking and the stream running.

I tasted the fresh water in my mouth.

I smelled nature.

I saw the water running, the ducks playing, the grass turning shades of green, the bark and roots of the trees, the clouds in the sky...

And it flipped the switch for me right away.

 

Process Addiction - Worth Talk

 I spoke to a group of young women on Wednesday.

Here is the talk.

Process Addiction - Family Pain

This.

 

The Title of My First Book Will Be...

 

Process Addiction - Self Grace

Did you know that coaches have coaches?!

We do!

I was talking to mine and she was reminding me of floors and ceilings as I was telling her about how I only made it to the gym four times last week, instead of the five that are stated on my monthly blueprint.

She reminded me that I'm hitting my floors, and THAT'S AWESOME!

We need to show ourselves more grace.

In order to have self-grace, we must be in self-awareness.

We are all still on training wheels, Friends.

 

Process Addiction - Straight Lines

This "How Life is Supposed To Go" line is a myth.

It's false.

That is NOT how life is supposed to go.

No one starts and has a straight line to the finish.

No one.

Besides, what fun would there be in that?

Zero experience.

Zero growth.

Zero joy.

Zero heartache.

BORING!

Life is actually supposed to go like the second diagram.

We are supposed to be up and down and spun around.

We are supposed to hike up big inclines, and fall down steep declines.

We are supposed to wind back around to some lessons.

We are supposed to be every where so that we can learn and grow and people on our way.

We are supposed to experience.

The party is in the process!

 

Process Addiction - You Are Never Alone

The last few weeks, I have felt unraveled.

I heard that word on a program last night and immediately fell in love with it.

Unraveled:

To disengage or separate threads of ; cause to come apart by or as if separating threads; to resolve the intricacy, complexity, or obscurity of

Yes, I have been unraveled.

As I paused to really think about why this might be, I was immediately filled with gratitude and abundance for the AWARENESS that I was unraveled.

I reached out to my Becky, my Cyd, and T.

This picture is an actual depiction of what your village should look like, and what my village DID look like as I looked around at the separation of my threads.

There was an incident, well an entire day, a few weeks ago that seemed to have begun the disentaglement.

I was aware of it.

I cried through it.

I talked through it.

I wrote and wrote and wrote about it in my journal.

But that wasn't all.

There was more.

So, I allowed myself to sit in awareness and be a detective, of sorts.

I noticed that my monthly blueprint was not being followed to a "T."

Yes, I was doing the goals.

But I wasn't doing them as often as I should be.

For instance, I had only gone to the gym four days instead of five.

And, for me, that makes a difference.

I had missed two nights of personal inventory.

I noticed that missing just two nights had made it so that my soul and my body carried those two days into the following days and it was a complete disengagement of my threads.

I became aware that I NEED to stick to my monthly blueprint in a stalwart manner.

Of course, if I'm sick or injured that is a time to be compassionate with myself.

But, my goals are my goals for a reason - they keep me where I want to be.

We are never alone.

I am so grateful for my village who listen to me ugly cry, who validate my feelings and emotions, and who remind me of my worth.

Daily.

 

Process Addiction - Return on Investment

Matthew McConaughey talks about return on our investment...

Whether it's time, relationships, choices, etc.

"Make the purchases today that pay you back tomorrow."

"It's a scientific fact that gratitude reciprocates."

"Gratitude is the gift that always gives back."

So, be very picky with your time.

Your energy.

Your people.

"Don't choose anything that will jeopardize your soul."

 

Process Addiction - Burnout

One very real "side effect" of Validation Addiction is burnout.

There are lots of reasons for this.

1. When in active addiction, we have no idea who we are. Therefore, we don't know our needs or our boundaries. We aren't well equipped to name our emotions and feelings, let alone feel them.

2. We give and give and give in order to feel needed, valued, and lovable.

3. We desperately want people to feel from us what we have never felt from those we needed it from the very most.

Empathy is a strength, there is no doubt about that.

But with every strength comes a balcony and a basement.

Validation Addicts tend to live in the basement of all of our strengths.

First, discover yourself through awareness.

Second, through emotional awareness learn emotions and feelings: define them and sit with them.

Third, believe and have faith so that you can create boundaries and stick with them.

Four, continue in self awareness so that you avoid self-abandonment.

Truly, the opposite of self-abandonment is self-awareness.

 

Process Addiction - Feelings & Emotions

This.

Strong: "Having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks." OR "Able to withstand great force of pressure."

Numb: "Deprived of the power of sensation." OR "Deprived of feelings or responsiveness."

 Both are feelings AND emotions.

We can emotionally and mentally feel strong and numb.

We can emotionally have thoughts of strength and numbness.

Both are real.

Both are valid.

Both are worth our awareness.

It is, indeed, possible to be strong and numb at the very same time.

The Gateway Addiction

 I have been working on this for a few months, now.

The more I study my addiction, the more I fully believe that Validation Addiction is the Gateway Addiction.

I believe that the vast majority of addicts (95+%) have the underlying addiction of validation.

I hope that this video will help you!

Click Here

Process Addiction - You are in Control

Piggy-backing on the sloth post, self-awareness is where it's at!

"Harmful environment" is a tricky phrase, yeah?

Deep in active addiction, I would have skipped over quotes like this as I would tell myself:

"I'm not going to raves!"
"I'm not up all night at bars."

"I'm not hanging out with drug addicts."

"I'm not standing on the corner waiting to be handed a few bucks to perform some act."

Yikes, Heidi Rae!

That's not necessarily what is meant by "harmful environment!"

For me, a harmful environment is spending too much time scrolling through social media.

A harmful environment is anywhere I choose to go where I am the continued conversation minutes, hours, days, months after I leave the table.

A harmful environment is anywhere I sacrifice my integrity for a "like."

A harmful environment is any situation I am in where I am not able to be in my true self.

In active recovery, we work real dang hard to regain our agency, and therefore our peace.

Self-awareness keeps us in that space.

We worked hard for that space.

Don't let go of it.

 

Process Addiction - Slothful

I have been studying Alma, in the Book of Mormon.

I don't fly through the scriptures. 

I read, make notes, then study.

Alma 37:40-41

"And it did work for them according to their faith in God; therefore, if they had faith to believe that God could cause that those spindles should point the way they should go, behold, it was done; therefore they had this miracle, and also many other miracles wrought by the power of God, day by day.
Nevertheless, because those miracles were worked by small means it did show unto them marvelous works. They were slothful, and forgot to exercise their faith and diligence and then those marvelous works ceased, and they did not progress in their journey"
Alma 37:40-41

So, the beginning is talking about the Liahona - a tool that worked by faith.

When they were slothful, and stopped maintaining their relationship with God, they stopped progressing.

Slothfulness creeps in.

It isn't a big bang and suddenly out of no where we are slothful (lazy).

It especially creeps in when we are less than aware.

For recovering addicts - it just might be our biggest nemesis.

Just like with everything else, we start feeling pretty good about our progress.

We start feeling good about the length of time of our progress.

Then, we do the things that got us to this point a bit less. 

And less.

And less.

Until we are slothful.

The thing about sloths is that they aren't doing anything wrong!

They're chillin' like a bunch of villains, really.

Living the dream!

But, they have zero protection against predators.

They aren't even looking for them.

They're just living the dream, expecting that this dream is never going to end.

We HAVE to continue to do the things every single day that got us to recovery to begin with.

Slothfulness brings ignorance.

It begins to diminish our relationship with God, Christ, and the atonement.

Diligence is the opposite of slothfulness.

So, if you have been slothing it for a minute (I'm raising my hand), let's get back on track.

Grab ahold of that iron rod again.

And continue to find the party in the process!

 

Process Addiction - Freedom

I have done a bit of research this year on Lent.

I've always wondered what the specifics of Lent and Ash Wednesday are.

So this year, I listened a bit more.

Lent is traditionally a period of abstinence when Christians fast, give up certain luxuries, and adopt a spiritual practice that leads to renewal of the soul. This tradition coincides with Easter, and the amount of time that Jesus Christ fasted (40 days and 40 nights).

When we give things, or people, up in our lives there are emotions and feelings - therefore narratives that we create in our minds. 

If we feel freedom once we give up things, or people, instead of loss - we know we are done.

That is a beautiful finale.

 

Process Addiction - Daring

We are not here to be perfect!

We are here to progress.

We are going to mess up, AKA learn.

We are going to fall down, AKA learn our strength in getting back up.

We are going to have learn lessons over and over and over again, AKA learn to rely on God.

We are going to lose, AKA learn to feel.

We are going to have really, aggressively hard moments, AKA recognize that we are His.

So, dare anyway.

Dare to learn.

Dare to reach.

Dare to dream.

Dare to become.

Dare to be.

 

Process Addiction - March Blueprint

Alright, it's accountability time!

How did your February Blueprint go?

Be honest with yourself!
You're not in trouble if you didn't ace February.

It's about the process, Friends!

I am giving myself a solid B+ for February.

90%.

And look, I'm still smiling!

So what did I learn?

I learned that regarding my coaching, I need to be much more detailed with my goals!

I learned that I am rocking the spiritual and physical and family goals.

I learned that I am increasing my physical goals each month and IT FEELS GREAT.

I learned that I am SO easily distracted and that when I stay focused, even if I just make myself stay focused on certain goals for 10 minutes a day, I accomplish them.

I challenge you to write out your March blueprint TODAY.

Then post it where you will see it at least once a day, every single day.

Make sure that your goals are attainable, manageable, and measurable.

Remember, everything that you do in this month should really be in alignment with your goals.

Now, go be your best self!