Addiction Recovery - Magnify Your Calling

I am in the process of being certified as a What Matters Coach.

Becky is THE best coach.

I'm not just saying that because she's my sister from another mister, either.

She is an outstanding teacher.

This weeks coaching lesson is on magnifying your calling.

Let me pause for a minute.

Generally in the LDS culture, the phrase magnifying your calling refers to your church calling.

However, that is not the true meaning.

It doesn't mean doing more or being more or working harder.

It simply means involving the Savior.

That's it.

In everything we do, magnifying your calling refers to involving the Savior - 

Parenting

Coaching

Recovering

I received this message from our Jody yesterday.

This is an example of Kaydon magnifying his calling as a missionary, as a friend, as a human.

We are not expected to do more than we can.

We are simply expected to involve the Savior in what we do.

 

Addiction Recovery - It's Not About Me

I had a triggering weekend.

It was brilliant.

Why?!

Well, for one I was in complete awareness that I was triggered:

Anxious before it even happened.

Scared about what would happen.

Trying to stay in my true self whilst in my false self.

Recognizing that I wouldn't have a lot of control over my boundaries.

Triggered.

I wanted to run.

Away from it.

Far, far away.

Because that's what my subconscious has done for 40 years.

Run, then shove it all into that dang closet.

I was about three miles from where I was going and I called B.

"I want to turn around and go home. I can't do this."

B:
"You are already doing this. This isn't about you. This is about Isis and Kehlani. You have the ability to smile and nod. You have the ability to walk away when you need to. You CAN do this."

Me:

...

B:

"Are you smiling?"

Me"

"Thank you."

Later on in the day...

T:

"How did it go?"

Me:

"I did it. It was really great for Isis and Kehlani."
T:
"I'm so proud of you."

Step One:
Awareness.

Step Two:

Hope.

Step Three: 

Faith

Step One and a Half:

Find your village.

It was never about me.

It was about Isis and Kehlani.

In my true self, I could see that and love that and embrace that.

It took my people to remind me.

 

Addiction Recovery - Own Your Happiness

One of the things that I have learned about flipping the switch is that sometimes it takes actually yelling at myself...

Saying cuss words...

Repeating certain phrases...

Sometimes we have to include the shock factor when it comes to flipping the switch.

I've been shock factoring myself quite a bit for the last two weeks.

And, it's finally working.

*The party is in the process, friends!!

I have been having some pretty amazing conversations with my dang self about happiness and about holding space.

Let me preface this post by talking about something that I'm basically semi-pro at: self-sabotage.

I am determined (and I mean DETERMINED) to hurt myself before anyone else hurts me.

This causes me to CREATE narratives in my mind about ways that people might hurt me, or why they might hurt me, or what is "actually" going on, then I self-sabotage.

I have become very good at this.

Thus, semi-pro.

When I go back through my thought cycle, I always recognize that my thoughts are not facts.

They are created by my emotions and feelings to the actual facts.

But they, themselves, are not facts.

I am literally creating stories in my head that are not true.

Sure, in the moment they feel true to me.

But they are not facts.

Now that I have described my self-awareness, which I am crazy grateful for, I want to let you in on a little conversation I've been repeating with myself:

HEIDI RAE (yup, I'm literally yelling at myself):

It is YOUR job to make YOUR damn self happy.

HEIDI RAE:

It is YOUR job to hold your own space.

HEIDI RAE:

It is YOUR responsibility to manage your emotions and your feelings.

HEIDI RAE:

Hold the boat!!!

You are just fine.

 

Addiction Recovery - VITALS

Are you checking your vitals?

Do you know what to do to help yourself feel better?
Are you SELF AWARE??

I love this visual.

Our body has chemicals in it.

A LOT of chemicals in it.

Our actions can increase, or decrease, the levels of these chemicals.

It's imperative that we are aware of our baseline.

What makes us feel better?
What makes us feel worse?

What can we do to be in our true self?

 

Addiction Recovery - Honor Your Emotions

MyStory:

I had an invisible closet for 42 years.

This closet held ALL of my emotions, feelings, thoughts...

The personal ones that were mine.

I didn't know what the name of emotions were.

I didn't know what the feelings meant, let alone what to do with them.

I knew good and I knew bad.

I didn't want bad, so they went into the closet.

Little did I know that there really are no "bad" emotions.

There are just emotions.

Emotions are not dangerous.

Emotions give us information.

It is our RESPONSIBILITY and OPPORTUNITY to feel them.

Then, we can figure out what we need to do with them or how to let them go.

Before I could move forward, with the knowledge of who I even was, I had to learn to name my emotions, trust that they were okay to feel, learn what information they were giving me, and then determine what to do with them.

That last part there - that requires agency.

The only thing in this mortal life that takes away our agency is addiction.

Addiction is pattern of behaviors that we can no longer manage on our own.

It took A LOT of work to get to the point where I knew who I was, by knowing WHOSE I was.

Once I put that work into constant, consistent practice I was on my way!

I have learned that honoring my emotions, my thoughts, and my feelings is EMPOWERING.

I have had many occasions when I have invited (out loud) those emotions and feelings to come sit at the table with me. 

I've told them that I've saved a seat for them, where they may sit.

Sometimes I inform them that I am not interested in what they have to say, but they are welcome to be there.

When we feel, and not ignore or push away, our emotions and feelings - that is when we have the strongest agency.

Releasing that closet door - 

Taking the door off of its hinges so that I could never shove things in there and close it again - 

That took time.

It took tears.

It took work.

It took a village to support me and help me through it.

But I did it.

You can too.

 

Addiction Recovery - Tree Roots & Sturdy Branches

Addiction recovery requires a lot of very simple things that matter.

One of the very simple, yet imperative, things that matter is your village.

Who do you surround yourself with?
Who do you confide in?

Who do you have boundaries with?

Do you hold tight to your boundaries?

Are you able to tell your village all the good and all the bad about yourself and still feel loved, seen, heard, and valued?

 

Process Addiction - Perspective

Perspective is an interesting thing, isn't it?

Last night I had a situation where my perspective effected my emotions, feelings, and actions.

After discussing the situation with the person with whom I had this experience, I learned that their perspective was completely different from mine.

That made their emotions and feelings different.

Both of us felt emotions.

Both of us based our actions on those emotions.

Both of our emotions and feelings are valid.

But, perspective effected both of us.

I love this quote!

It might be half full.

It might be half empty.

But, it's a glass.

And, it's always refillable!