Heidi Rae Coaching - Dating Ourselves

Babes!

How many of you have been on dating websites?! I've been on far too many... hashtag toxic relationship coach! Anywho, if you have not been on a dating website - maybe just take a gander for entertainment purposes! They are a plethora of people trying to make their best impressions, with a keyboard and a cell phone camera. Normally, such people type in a bit of a description of themselves and then have multiple options to click different things they like, such as: music, exercise, reading, traveling, outdoors, sports, etc. The idea is that these websites then "put together" people with similar interests, beliefs, locations, etc.

Here's the question I have for you today: How do you describe yourself? My Katryna asked me this question during our first counseling appointment. I think I responded with, "I'm a mom. I work full time..." Her facial expressions are some of my favorite! "But WHO are YOU?" Babes! I had no idea! I was 42 years old and I had NO idea who I was!!!! I had been a chameleon for 42 years. I was whoever people told me they wanted me to be. All of the time. Then when they'd change their mind, I'd change who I was. I did not have a clue who Heidi was. Not even an inclination. #validationaddiction But, I got to learn. I was able to begin dating my darn self! I was able to begin the adventure... the amazing, painful, terrifying, heartbreaking, exciting journey of who Heidi is. And, I love her!

I have mentioned several things on here for the last little bit, but we have to begin with awareness. Be aware. Be, be aware! We have to be aware of who we are, what we need, what we DON'T need, the best ways of getting there, etc. We get to date ourselves! We get to fall in love with ourselves. That is where it begins... so get on that starting line! We're about to go on an amazing adventure!

#coach #coaching #processaddictionrecovery #toxicrelationships #selflove #divorcecoach #singleparentingcoach

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Tell Them Who They Are

 Babes!!

Recently, I heard Coach Brooke Snow talking about a situational event with one of her children.

The story she tells is one that any parent can tell on any day at most any time. Her children were fighting. She was wanting to tell them to "knock it off," "cut it out," "STOPPPP IT!!!" But she paused. She looked at her son and, instead of telling him to pull himself together, told him WHO HE WAS: smart, kind, capable of making the right choices.

Soon after hearing this, I had the opportunity to try this out for myself. My favorite nine year old was playing war with three of his big brothers. He was upset that one of them had a Nerf gun. The rest of them were just throwing nerf darts. He felt like this was super unfair. He began to pout and yell and even cried. I found him by himself in the front room. He was sitting on the floor, having what I like to call a "party for one." (I have these pretty often myself!)

I said, "Oh my gosh! I am SO proud of you! You knew that you needed a little break and you took it! You are smart! You GET to decide if you want to continue to play with Brothers or sit this one out! I know you'll do the right thing!" Then I walked away.

Within minutes, he had picked up his darts and continued to play... this time without pouting or whining or yelling or crying. I think he even won.

I noticed an immediate change in his demeaner. By telling him WHO he is, rather than what to do, he felt empowered! Bonus... I felt good, too! I didn't feel annoyed or irritated or like I needed to put my dang self in timeout!

#coach #coaching #selflove #toxicrelationships #addictionrecovery #singleparenting

Heidi Rae Coaching - Restart

Babes!!

I have some really good news for ALL of us... every single morning that we wake up is a clean slate. It's a restart. Not a re-do. A restart! We GET to start over every single morning.

Mondays are a favorite of mine. Literally. They have been for a long time, but I didn't realize their importance and their endless possibility until recently. Literally.

I can do not one thing about yesterday. It is what it is. It's in the rear view mirror and if I'm staring at my rear view mirror, eventually I am going to crash. Full speed crash. The rear view mirror is not for me to focus on. It's to remind me of my surroundings AND THAT IS ALL. Babes, the windshield is bigger than that little rear view mirror for a reason!! What is in front of me is FAR MORE IMPORTANT.

When I lay my head down at night, I am saying goodbye to my day. When I open my eyes in the morning, I am open to what this day brings. Show yourself grace for the days before you. Show gratitude for what you have learned and for that part of your PROCESS. Then focus, Babes. Focus on TODAY. It's literally all you have. Show up for today. Give back what you have learned in that rear view mirror and forge ahead on what is in front of you.

I'm a BIG fan of Lao Tzu. I had a saying written on my wall in the hospital post-stroke. R would read to me daily from the Lao. I love the quote, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." When you rise in the morning, your day begins with a single step. Before I could walk, I had to sit up. I had to roll. I had to stand up. I had to RISE. So, if you can not yet step - rise. Rise mentally. Rise emotionally. Rise spiritually. But, RISE UP.

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Vitals

 Babes!!

In order to be in integrity with our dang selves, we must know who we are and what we need. Makes sense, right?! Our "vitals" are our needs. These are the things that we need consistently in order to be at our best. These are things that, when we are not doing so hot, we need to do! When we check in with ourselves, these are the things that we ask ourselves about...

These are MY vitals:

Sleep

Exercise

Food

Water

Physical Touch

Sunshine or UV Rays

When I am off, moody, emotional, quick to anger or agitation, I stop and ask myself:

1. Am I tired? Do I need to take a minute or a couple of hours to rest? Do I need quiet time to myself?

2. Do I need to move my body? Do I need to walk around the block? Do I need to stretch? Do I need to go to the gym for a couple of hours?

3. Am I hungry??

4. Do I need ice water?

5. Do I need a hug? A high five? Do I need to cuddle?

6. Have I felt the sun on my face today? Do I need to go to a tanning bed for a few minutes?

Tomorrow, we are going to talk about vitals more in depth! But today, make a list of what you NEED every single day.

Heidi Rae Coaching - Self Integrity

Babes!

What is one thing in your life that is a non-negotiable? For me, it is making my bed every single morning. Let's be real, that consists of putting my comforter back on the bed straight and placing my two pillows at the head of the bed. But, it is a non-negotiable for me.

I was listening to one of my favorite speakers, Eddie Pinero, talking about self-integrity. He stated that his non-negotiable is having zero dishes in the sink before he goes to bed. He explained that, yes, it might seem like a little thing, and that, yes, the world will continue to go on if he happens to leave a plate in the sink, BUT... he said that by missing just one night, it turns into two... then the sink gets full... then other parts of the house get messy... then even more parts get messy... then he is living in chaos.

Think about this, Babes! In the big scheme of things, this non-negotiable is about doing what he says he's going to do and doing it every single night. It's about being accountable to himself. It's about showing up for himself. Just like not leaving the house without making my bed is showing up for myself. It's doing what is important to me in that moment at 6:23 every single morning.

Integrity starts with self. It has zero to do with outside influences. It has nothing AT ALL to do with what other people are doing, or saying... it's about self. It's starts with me.

This week, we are going to talk about our vitals. And it's going to be important. Because it's about self. When our vitals are off, we are off. When we are off, our integrity is off. We should look at our integrity as a non-negotiable!

 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Be a Loser

Babes!!

What if I'm a loser??

Spoiler Alert: I AM!!

I chose to lose people who made me feel small. I chose to lose the weight of other people's business. I chose to lose the idea that I had to have someone or something to be happy. I chose to lose the weight of past mistakes I have made.

I AM a loser! There is so much importance in losing, or getting rid, of these things!! When we remove things, we make room for better things. This includes people, thoughts, feelings, expectations, etc.

Be a loser!!! 

Heidi Rae Coaching - Be Open to Amazingness

 Babes!

What if we are blocking our own access to amazingness?! What IF that invisible umbrella is up and we are limiting our path to abundance?! What IF my limiting beliefs are affecting my prosperity?! My joy?!

Brooke Snow teaches the most amazing meditation. I have adopted it and I do it, repeatedly, throughout every single day. It is a flipping the switch game changer if you let it be!

This is the mantra:
📣"I am open. I am receiving. I am grateful. I am giving."
Louder for the negative self-talk in the back of my head:
"I AM OPEN. I AM RECEIVING. I AM GRATEFUL. I AM GIVING."

⭐️I do this on the treadmill when I am in my last few minutes and I just want to stop. "I am open to breath. I am receiving breath, strength, energy. I am grateful for my body and my mind. I am giving out the energy that I desperately need."
⭐️I do this when I am having limiting thoughts. "I am open to abundance. I am receiving everything I need. I am grateful for every single thing I have. I am giving love and light."
⭐️I do this when my body and my brain are tired. " I am open to rest and self grace. I am receiving messages from my body and mind that I am tired. I am grateful for self-awareness. I am giving myself compassion and rest."

This mantra works in EVERY case. The more we say and use this mantra, and others, the more our sub-conscious believes that we are open and receiving, grateful and giving.
#coaching #coach #addictionrecovery #selflove #singleparenting #toxicrelationships