Addiction Recovery - Honor Your Emotions

MyStory:

I had an invisible closet for 42 years.

This closet held ALL of my emotions, feelings, thoughts...

The personal ones that were mine.

I didn't know what the name of emotions were.

I didn't know what the feelings meant, let alone what to do with them.

I knew good and I knew bad.

I didn't want bad, so they went into the closet.

Little did I know that there really are no "bad" emotions.

There are just emotions.

Emotions are not dangerous.

Emotions give us information.

It is our RESPONSIBILITY and OPPORTUNITY to feel them.

Then, we can figure out what we need to do with them or how to let them go.

Before I could move forward, with the knowledge of who I even was, I had to learn to name my emotions, trust that they were okay to feel, learn what information they were giving me, and then determine what to do with them.

That last part there - that requires agency.

The only thing in this mortal life that takes away our agency is addiction.

Addiction is pattern of behaviors that we can no longer manage on our own.

It took A LOT of work to get to the point where I knew who I was, by knowing WHOSE I was.

Once I put that work into constant, consistent practice I was on my way!

I have learned that honoring my emotions, my thoughts, and my feelings is EMPOWERING.

I have had many occasions when I have invited (out loud) those emotions and feelings to come sit at the table with me. 

I've told them that I've saved a seat for them, where they may sit.

Sometimes I inform them that I am not interested in what they have to say, but they are welcome to be there.

When we feel, and not ignore or push away, our emotions and feelings - that is when we have the strongest agency.

Releasing that closet door - 

Taking the door off of its hinges so that I could never shove things in there and close it again - 

That took time.

It took tears.

It took work.

It took a village to support me and help me through it.

But I did it.

You can too.

 

Addiction Recovery - Tree Roots & Sturdy Branches

Addiction recovery requires a lot of very simple things that matter.

One of the very simple, yet imperative, things that matter is your village.

Who do you surround yourself with?
Who do you confide in?

Who do you have boundaries with?

Do you hold tight to your boundaries?

Are you able to tell your village all the good and all the bad about yourself and still feel loved, seen, heard, and valued?

 

Process Addiction - Perspective

Perspective is an interesting thing, isn't it?

Last night I had a situation where my perspective effected my emotions, feelings, and actions.

After discussing the situation with the person with whom I had this experience, I learned that their perspective was completely different from mine.

That made their emotions and feelings different.

Both of us felt emotions.

Both of us based our actions on those emotions.

Both of our emotions and feelings are valid.

But, perspective effected both of us.

I love this quote!

It might be half full.

It might be half empty.

But, it's a glass.

And, it's always refillable!

 

Mondays!

Mondays are my jam!!

My brain is almost always the strongest on Mondays, which means my body is strong as well.

This is good, and this is not so good.

Balconies and Basements, Friends!!

Because I feel strong, I tend to get high-strung about the whole dang week!

I need to remind myself frequently to take one minute at a time: be present!
Being present = being in my true self, in real time, grounded, co-creating with God!

It also means self grace, self compassion and self awareness.

Let's do this!

 

Process Addiction - Control Addiction

My Becky Beck has her course LIVE and it's worth it!!!

She is an amazing teacher, coach, mentor and human being.

I am SO excited about the help she is going to be to SO many women!!

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.whatmatterswithbeckybeck.com%2Fopt-in%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR3I5JBK1XNRZkUEg8a16n-fBSta9k2WexRQeaPmRhG8qWWNCFfGB13rUEU&h=AT3CsgSc6Uy9Borwnw5GYIxPzqWTcOFe0HI1VGOw7ivdVxYncOOu1ndtCasdZYp5VoLwL3dTVShC0MtZfd4aMvbNVVxz3BWRUMlfnOriHkSS_AJynktP4XAGAQEvWGxolABu&__tn__=-UK-R&c[0]=AT13ZGcqeJX6OqpAVYMxwzXHNuPRhuh2mQ42Rz_P6xQXe69ZUho13RD8ExHN5S12vCTTG8tpPzJP-hD-yc0ndVbscVN3h1uq4l6CTLP7mPe752kgCxfhIba2dC2WkccS6Q15SWL8dxSnaqpW8C-AO_kLHNw

Process Addiction - Mantras

When flipping the switch;

When getting ourselves back into the present;

When getting ourselves back into our true selves/divine nature;

Mantras are IMPERATIVE.

Having the ability to speak words into our minds, even out loud, can immediately put us back into "real time." 

Real time = present time.

This will take us from false self/natural man; from fake time; from anxiety and worry TO true self, real time, the present.

A mantra can be a phrase or a couple of phrases.

A mantra can be ONE WORD.

My mantra is:

I am seen.

I am heard.

I am valued.

I am loved.

ALL mantras should be followed up by three deep breaths.

This is simple.

It is safe.

It is fast.

It restores breath and oxygen to our bodies.

MOST of the time when we are in fake time or false self or anxiety and worry, we are holding our breath!!!

Mantras also remind our self-conscious that WE ARE IN CHARGE.

We are in charge of our brains.

I am seen.

I am heard.

I am valued.

I am loved.

Three deep breaths.

I do this on average probably 20 times a day!!!

Every time I am AWARE that I am in a place mentally that is not serving me, that is not productive, I do my mantra and I do my breaths.

That allows most emotions to only take about 90 seconds to get through my mind.

BINGO!

 

Process Addiction - Progression

I heard something yesterday:

"There hasn't been as much progress as I expected."

It got me thinking about the word "progress."

"Forward or onward movement toward a destination."

How do WE define progress??

I remember vividly when my neuro team was talking about progress after my stroke.

Heidi, you are now Heidi 2.0.

You will never be Heidi 1.0 again, and we wouldn't want you to be.

Heidi, we don't know what physical or cognitive capabilities you will have.

We will be happy with every little thing.

I remember vividly what Katryna told me.

Heidi, it took you 40 years to get to this point - you aren't going to be "better" in a year or two.

Both of these gave me perspective.

I was determined to "get better," but I was also determined to be very descriptive in my goals and my expectations.

In comes floors and ceilings!
In comes "Next I will..."

In comes awareness.

In comes co-creating with God... knowing that we are not expected to do this alone.

 

Process Addiction - Agency is Awesome!

Agency - The ABILITY to choose.

Remember the Success Cycle that I posted about yesterday? The Success Cycle only works when we are using our ability to choose - and we choose wisely when we (imagine me shouting this part from the rooftops) DESIGN OUR LIFE TO INCREASE OUR AGENCY!

Remember, addiction is the one thing on Earth that takes away our agency. Our addiction chooses for us. Always. As we dive into active recovery, we gather the threads of our agency back together and. in so doing, we get back to our true self!

Seven Principles of Agency (via Paul Napper, with my narrative):

1. Control Stimuli - Rid yourself of distractions and focus on the important matters in your life.

2. Associate Selectively - Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who root for your rise.

3. Move - Move your body Exercise your mind. Listen to your Spirit.

4. Position Yourself As A Learner - We don't know everything!! Be open to new ideas as you are becoming!

5. Manage Your Emotions and Beliefs - "Recognize that your feelings and beliefs are not always facts, so you shouldn't act on impulse or pre-conceived notions."

6. Check Your Intuition - Listen to your dang gut!

7. Deliberate, Then Act - Consider. Breathe. Be in your true self before deciding on your best course of action.

See. Say. Feel. Do.

 

Process Addiction - Celebration!!

 CeLeBrAtE YOU!

Yes! It's not only important, it is necessary to celebrate ourselves! It is imperative that we recognize our own small victories! It's our job, in fact, to do so!!

"Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured!"

Have you heard of the Success Cycle?? Here's a brief description:

Action>Result>Feeling Good>More Result

So, the opposite of the Success Cycle looks like this:

Action>Result>No Celebration/No Feeling Good>Less Action>Less Result

How can we celebrate us

Ideas include:

Positive Affirmations! "I DID IT!!"

Journal your victories!!

Get yourself a small gift!! When I accomplish my goals for the month, I like to go to a second-hand store and get myself a "new" workout outfit!

Do something that you LOVE!! I color or bake or go hiking or tanning!

Involve others!! Tell your village about your success!

Process Addiction - Floors & Ceilings

It's a new month! It's time for a fresh monthly blueprint! This month, I want you to focus on the following:

Be descriptive! Your goals should be attainable, measurable, and related to who you are becoming!

Your blueprint goals are your "ceilings," meaning your ideal under ideal circumstances. This month, I want you to include descriptive "floors" for each goal.

Floors and ceilings create consistency and the groundwork for self-celebration!!!

Below are a couple of examples from my personal May blueprint.

Physical Category: each day is very descriptive. This is my ideal, under ideal circumstances each day. To get my floor, I go small... then even smaller. Your floor is your bare minimum. My floor for each day is to take three deep breaths and to stretch my limbs.

Spiritual Category: again, descriptive. Read scripture five days a week, nighttime personal inventory/Journaling with gratitude five times a week, and take care of my young women responsibilities which are on a calendar. My floor for each day is to thank God out loud for my life. So, go smaller than your ideal then go smaller - your bare minimum under any circumstances.

Celebrate!!!