Whack-a-Mole

On my way home from work last night, I was thinking out loud about addiction.

In particular, I was thinking about this game and addiction.

Whack-a-mole.

You know the game - 

The one at Chuck-e-Cheese where you try to whack the mole every time it pops up from a hole.

The one where you have to keep all of the holes full of the moles.

Heaven forbid a mole pop up that you don't get to fast enough...

Then how will you buy that overpriced toy at the counter that you now don't have enough tickets for.

I've seen people get straight-up violent while whacking the moles.

Addiction is all about quickly - like lightening fast - trying to keep those holes full.

If you have a hole in your soul from sadness or fear or anger or confusion or just plain discomfort - you MUST fill that hole and you must do it as fast as possible so that you don't have to feel anything.

On my way home last night, I was thinking about how I already miss my boys, who are in Sandy with my Dad for the Halloween weekend.

We will join up with them tomorrow and Saturday and they will be home Sunday.

But, I realized while driving home that I have never really allowed myself to miss my boys when they are gone for a sleepover with grandparents, or off to scout camp, or on an overnighter.

I didn't want to feel, so I filled up that hole in any way I could.

That is addiction.

Instead, last night, I sat with it. I missed them so I thought about them.

I thanked God, out loud, for them.

I bought the deodorant and body wash that they put on the grocery list.

And, I thought about them some more.

I let myself just miss my kids.

This is progress.

A lot of progress.

Progress worthy of journaling about.

I am discovering that holes exist.

It's okay.

We are actually supposed to feel sadness, anger, hurt, fear, confusion, discomfort.

Feelings teach us and prepare us and warn us.

Feelings are good.

We don't have to fill them automatically just because the game of life tells us that we shouldn't feel.

Someone asked me yesterday, "What is the thing that you think all humans should know?"
I think that all humans should KNOW and OWN and live within their worth, their value.

We all need to know and own that we have a divine nature.

We were born with it.

It is not up for discussion.

If every human could know, understand, and live within that worth and value - this world would be better.

Imagine if no one questioned their value, thus not questioning anyone else's value...

That would be amazing.

 

Lies

I fell in love with a Netflix Limited Series show.

It is called, "The Queen's Gambit."

I strongly suggest it.

It is not a true story, but I watched it like it was.

It has six or seven episodes and it's worth the watch.

Addiction does something to us.

It lies to us.

Addiction teaches us how to lie to ourselves, too.

And to others.

The weird thing about addiction, too, is this...

We must know that what we are doing is not good because we sure try to hide our addiction from other people.

We try to get dressed up, put on a good face, and go about our lives like we are excellent in our field, well put together, and at the top of our game.

We aren't.

We get home, or to a safe place in our minds, and fall apart - fall into our addiction.

Yet, we cannot stop the addiction.

It now has a hold of us.

It takes away our agency.

That is the evil in addiction...

It actually takes away our agency.

How dare it!

Young Elizabeth Harmon had a HARD life.

She watched her mother kill herself.

She was raised in an orphanage, where she became addicted to tranquilizers.

She was adopted by a couple who hated one another, and really had no desire to have a child.

There, she was introduced to alcohol.

The alcohol and tranquilizers were her addiction.

So was chess.

And chess...

She was the best in the world.

A girl, in the 1960's, beating all of the men around the globe.

She was addicted to being the best.

Two completely different addictions: 

One was chemical based and bad.

The other was a process addiction and not bad.

Yet, both addictions.

It took years and years.

It took so many tragedies.

It took people who really actually loved her stepping in and being the tough lovers in the perfect ways to help her see that alcohol and tranquilizers were not going to help her with chess, or life.

It took HER recognizing that.

No one can actually stop an addict. 

There is SO much intense, active, deliberate work that has to be done literally every minute of every day in order to go through the healing of addiction...

And it never goes away.

We just learn how to keep it at bay.

Oh, the lies addiction tells us. 

 

Self Love Periods

I love the Poetry Bandit.

I follow him on Instagram and his words are magical.

I love the way he can put feelings and emotions and thoughts and actions in to words that sing harmony to my soul.

Indeed, sometimes love is knowing when to use a period instead of a comma.

The same can be said for self-love.

Boundaries, indeed are the periods.

They are the punctuation that says, "I am now keeping myself in a safe harbor, away from things or people or thoughts that hurt me or that stunt my growth."

This picture puts me in a place that is safe and whimsical and whole.

This is peace.

Our trees are planted in our hearts. 

Nurtured by our words, our every breath really.

That grow into our thoughts and our actions.

That attract what we wish to attract.

Where we can become exactly who we are meant to be, one root, one branch at a time.

Where we can expand and be flexible in the wind.

But where the roots are so grounded that they cannot be swept away by anyone or anything that wishes to change us.

 

Jesus Loved

Oh, how I love this.

I would challenge each of us to not read this and then automatically think of other people who need to read it, but to really look inward and discover what we ought to be doing better personally.

We have become so good at judging others, determining in our minds what they are doing wrong or how they are living their lives in disobedience.

We are excellent at pointing out and focusing on what we believe everyone else is doing badly in their lives.

We look down upon those who are not just like us.

We believe that because we hold certain callings in our Church, we are somehow more worthy than others.

We've completely missed the point.

Jesus loves every single one of us.

Equally.

 

Disease of the Brain

Addiction is defined as a disease of the brain.

It is a chronic illness that requires intensive therapeutic and medical treatment.

It is time to seek treatment when it causes problems in the life of the addict; when the person is still unable to stop engaging in the addictive behavior even with a genuine desire to stop or great fear of remorse about what has and will happen.

Many of the same programs that are effective in the treatment of dependence upon drugs and alcohol are effective in the treatment of behavioral, or process, addictions.

The program will include some, or a combination, of these resources:

Detox: Some clients have insomnia, agitation, panic, angry outbursts, headaches, and other withdrawal symptoms when they stop indulging in the addictive behavior. Support through this is essential.

Diagnosis and evaluation: Just as with substance abuse and addiction, there are often co-occurring disorders at play that may be impacting the person's compulsivity and ability to remain abstinent in recovery. A thorough evaluation process can help to identify any co-occurring substance abuse issues and/or mental health disorders that may be contributing to, causing, or in any way impacting the person's experience with behavioral addictions.

Treatment Plan: A unique combination of therapies will be chosen based on the person's evaluation and diagnosis result, personal circumstances and comfort level, and goals for recovery.

Family/Friend Support: It is often just as important for loved ones to engage in their own healing processes.

There IS help out there. 

It IS a long road; part of your journey.

It IS worth it.

YOU are worth it.

 

Runner

I have always been a runner.

We've discussed this before.

I am not a runner in the sense of putting really good athletic shoes on and heading out for a 5K...

No. No. No.

I'm a runner in the sense of things are really hard and the waves are really high and they are battering me and I've got to get out of here.

As opposed to - let's hunker down, weather the storm, stay within ourselves and do this with love and grace and integrity.

I recognized this morning that I am in the process of running.

Heidi OUT.

I have never felt the storms battering me as much as I do right now.

Running has always been my go-to.

It is part of my addiction, you see.

Addiction never completely goes away.

So, I just took a step back.

Took some breaths.

Talked to my husband (who this has nothing to do with. I love this man with my whole being).

And recognized that I am running - or at least preparing to.

Running is exhausting, really.

And, SHOCKER, it never makes anything better.

It is a vicious cycle that never ends well.

So, I'm standing in the pounding waves.

I'm letting the rain and sleet and hail pound me.

I am feeling all of it.

I am discovering new and healthy ways to withstand it and to express how it all makes me feel.

This is a HUGE step for someone who has been an addict for so long.

I'm proud of myself.

Not disappointed that it took me a hot minute to recognized it.

Not disappointed that I considered running.

Just showing myself grace that I figured it out and that we are back in the game.

 

LGBTQ+

Sometimes I say "LGBTQ+" as "LGBTQRSTUV" because I get confused by the letters and the order of the letters. 

I don't say it out of disrespect, I just want to make sure I get all the dang letters in there.

I have always been an "ally" to the LGBTQ+ community... whatever that means.

I feel that I am an ally to everyone - no matter the color, religion, sexual orientation, etc.

I feel like that's actually a natural thing - to be an ally.

I feel that hate or ignorance is very unnatural.

It's not the way we were born - to be hateful or condescending or judgmental.

That's my opinion.

I have been debating whether or not to go into this letter below.

It was posted on a social media site.

It was shared by a girl who was in our ward in West Point.

She was so sad and devastated and angry about this letter.

So am I.

Someone, professing to be a member of the LDS Church, literally sat down at a computer and typed this out.

THEN, they actually sent it to a neighbor.

Literally spent their time typing out these words, using the Church as their reasoning, then sending it to another Child of God.

This happened.

YOU GUYS!

THIS HAPPENED.

This was the response from said neighbor.

It is a beautiful rebuttal.

Leaving emotions out of it and stating facts.

SIGNED and sent back to the people who had the audacity to send a communication in the first place.

Dear Autumn Ridge Neighbor Who Didn't Sign Your Name:

I am disgusted.

Literally sick to my stomach that there are people in this Church who have set aside doctrine, actual commandments, and have ignored the words of our Prophet from just a couple of weeks ago...

Who feel that they are in a position on this planet to be the judge of other people.

Who feel that they are more worthy than someone who flies a flag in front of their home.

Who believes that they actually have the right to hurt other people.

The second commandment is like unto the first - love one another.

At no point in that commandment does it say to love one another... unless they are gay... unless they are a different color... unless they fly a rainbow flag...

It says to love one another.

Point two - thank heavens we were not put on Earth to judge others. It's actually not our job. It's actually never been our job. You have actually never been given that job because it's not a thing. Mind your own business. Look at your own flaws and work on those. 

Point three - no one has more or less value or worth than anyone else. No one.

I have repeatedly tried to teach my children that the Gospel and the Church are different.

People are mortal.

They make mistakes.

I make them hourly, sometimes more often.

Depends on the day, really.

The Gospel teaches love, kindness, humility, meekness, CHARITY, service, and unselfishness.

The Gospel teaches us that our Savior suffered for ALL OF US because He loves ALL OF US.

Please don't use the Church as a crutch to be able to validate why you are sending something so hurtful and isolating and judgmental to a neighbor.

That's on you.

Sincerely,

A Mama Bear

 

Self Advocacy

As a single mom, one of the things I tried very hard to teach all of my boys was to advocate for themselves. 

I feel that this is one of the most important skills to have when it comes to being independent.

When Colton was diagnosed with his disabilities, that drive in me only intensified.

I knew that Colton would have to learn how to do this on his own.

How did I do this?
Throughout Elementary School and Junior High School, I made sure he was in every single meeting that I had with his "team."

I made sure he was in every IEP meeting.

I made sure that when the adults were talking, they were talking to him - not about him.

I made sure that if he had questions or concerns, he was able to articulate those to the best of his ability.

His first year of high school, last year, was a good starting point.

I attended his IEP WITH him, rather than him attending with me.

I made sure that he had every say in his schedule that all neuro-typical kids would have.

This year, his junior year, I have put all of the responsibility on him.

He has carried it very well.

He communicates with Mike and I daily on how he is doing, how he is feeling, his frustrations, his confusion, his set-backs, etc.

Then we talk to him about what he needs to do.

We ask him what he thinks will help his situation.

(the answer is almost always that he needs to have a conversation with his teacher and ask the teacher questions so that he understands what is expected of him)

Then, we trust him to do it.

And he has been.

He has been scheduling meetings with his teachers and attending those.

He is asking questions and getting answers, then following through on them.

This is HARD for Colton.

As it should be.

He is learning to be very independent and we are so proud of him.

Disabilities are not excuses in our home.

A disability is not a reason to not be doing your best.

You still have a best and you can still do it.

I have always made dang sure that Colton has the resources that are his to have.

I have always made dang sure that the teachers and administrators are aware of him.

I have also always made dang sure that Colton is challenged, supported, and challenged some more.

Colton can do hard things.

I know this because I've watched him do hard things.

Disabilities are not reason to not challenge ourselves or our children.

 

Hands Willing To Help

I had a really beautiful experience on Saturday.

Unexpected.

Not planned.

Sacred.

I offered my thanks to God before and after.

Thanks that He still trusts me to be his hands that are willing to help.

My children and I have been so blessed for so many years by people who were in tune with the Spirit, who have hearts that are full of love, and who have hands that are willing to help.

Countless times we have been blessed by people who followed the nudge of the Savior to help.

Without those moments, I would not have had the strength to carry on during very hard times.

I felt so grateful that I received the same kind of nudge on Saturday.

I was going to ignore it at first.

I had just finished checking out at the grocery store.

My cart was FULL.

I was TIRED.

I started having a conversation with the Spirit OUT LOUD, People.

Then, I parked my cart at self-checkout.

I went and grabbed some Diet Coke, cookies and flowers.

Stood in line at self-checkout.

And then thanked God for the opportunity.

I have said before that I am terrified, and will be horrified, when I realize how many of these moments I have missed out on because my ears were closed, my heart was heavy, or my hands were simply unwilling.

I have promised myself I'll do better.

 

At Ease

I know that when I am super overwhelmed, or when I can sense that my children are overwhelmed, I feel the need to get everything under control.

To ease burdens.

To take away hurt and fear and confusion and anger and chaos.

To make everything "better."

I wonder what it must be like for God.

He loves us more than I can comprehend, yet He must watch us suffer A LOT and allow it to happen.

Because He knows better.

He sees the whole entire map.

We only see the dot.

He knows what is meant for us and what is not meant for us.

And, above all, He allows agency.

At all times.

And in all things.

And in all places.

And with all people.

Agency.

I feel peace when I know that what is meant for me will not pass me up.

And, what is not meant for me will escape...

If I will let it go.

I have said this so many times:

Having grown kids is HARD.

I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be, honestly.

To watch my children (who are adults) make decisions and not intervene and steer them "clear" is agonizing.

But, this is their journey.

I have mine.

Their journey is to refine them.

Not me.

I have enough refining of my own to do!

However, I know that they are known.

I know that they are seen.

I know that what is meant for them will not pass them up.

In that, my heart finds rest.

 

PTSD

PTSD Episode:

Characterized by feelings of fear and panic, along with flashbacks and sudden, vivid memories of an intense, traumatic event in your past.

...Now psychiatrists have found that PTSD can also result from being a patient in the ICU at a hospital...

Tuesday night, Mike took me to the hospital.

Well, he took me to InstaCare who then red-flagged me and then wheeled me quickly down the walkway to the ER.

The lobby was full, as far as I could hear.

I could not open my eyes or remove my hand from my forehead to look, but it sounded packed.

IV in my right arm.

Some terrible cocktail of Benadryl in my IV.

And this is when I lost it completely.

I wanted to rip the IV out of my arm and get out of there.

Although, I knew I couldn't go anywhere without help.

I was begging Mike to get me out of there.

They sent me for a CAT scan with contrast.

I wanted to die.

I was begging to get out of there.

They wanted a urine sample but I panicked because I couldn't bend my right arm (IV) to wipe.

So, no.

They said they needed a pregnancy test, even though Mike told them the facilities have been removed.

The doctor said we needed to do an MRI.

That was the last straw for me.

I wanted OUT.

I didn't care at this point if my brain exploded right there on the table.

*I know that's graphic but that is where I was emotionally and mentally.

I said "no" to the MRI.

I had to sign a paper that said I was going against medical advice.

They got the IV out of my arm and I was gone.

I can't remember a time when I was so panicked in the hospital and just couldn't take it.

It was WAY too much.

I realized at that point that I have PTSD.

And it's something I will need to work on as time goes on.

But today, I am thankful to be at work again.

 I am thankful for my husband and boys who are my greatest advocates.

I am thankful that my brain didn't explode on the table.

 

Babe

Mike has been working with me on self-love.

I think that we all have our seasons where self-love is hard to find and harder to keep up.

It is SO easy in this world of a whole lot of fake to not compare ourselves to others' bests.

Filters galore.

Surgery and procedures galore.

Comparison is one of the main tools of the adversary, I am sure of it.

Saturday morning, I headed to the gym.

Mike was finishing things up at home before he and Braxton headed out for the day to help his friend move.

I really love our gym.

It is very difficult to feel bad about yourself there...

And that's saying something for a gym!
There is just a great feeling of acceptance and motivation and love there.

Girls rooting for girls.

Women rooting for women.

Hugs and high fives and laughter and smiles all around.

One particular lady - Renata - is the epitome of beautiful and badass and fierce and athletic.

I don't know her know her.

We are "FB friend."

And we always smile at one another at the gym.

While I was stretching, she was doing one-legged lunges - as you do...

Well, I don't but others do.

She walked up in her deep accent and said, "You are looking amazing! Your arms. Your body."

I about died of laughter.

Literally.

Belly laughing.

Like, this girl cannot be for real right now.

I said, "Oh my goodness. You are too kind. I feel disgusting, actually. But you. You are over here doing weighted one-legged lunges like a boss! While I am in child's pose for a good 20 minutes."

She was being so sincere.

She meant it.

And I did too.

So when I left the gym, I found a damn filter.

And I took the damn picture.

Not for anyone but me.

To remind my damn self that I really am a babe.

WE ALL ARE.

And when we love ourselves, it shows.

 

Dumplin

Last night, Mike and I had a date night.

By date night, we got ice cream and climbed into our bed to watch a movie.

Jackson called us twice, Kaydon came in to talk for a while, and Colton came in several times. 

But, whatever.

That's the season we are in and we are immensely grateful that our children come in all the time to talk about EVERYTHING.

Anywho..

Mike is almost always in charge of picking a movie.

He's REALLY good at picking movies.

Last night, he chose "Dumplin."
It was under "comedy."

This movie is beautiful in every single way.

I realize that half the movie in quotes is posted on this.

Watch this movie.

Watch this movie with your daughter(s).

Watch this movie with your son(s)!

Watch this movie.

It is truly beautiful in every single way.

 

It Will Work Out

When Miss Birdie came for my wedding, she wrote about a quote from John Lennon in the card.

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

Many years ago, she gave me a sign that still hangs in my office:

"It's never too late to live happily ever after."

Yesterday, I had a talk with our oldest.

Jackson is 21.

Sunday he said to Mike: "Being an adult is hard!"

Yes, yes it is.

Jackson has sacrificed two years of his life.

One and a half years was given to the service of our God.

Everything he did, everything he thought about, every action he took - he took it with that in mind.

His goal was to bring people to God and to help them to feel His love.

When he returned from his mission, he began a long-distance relationship.

And, by long - I mean a different continent.

His time and energy and thoughts and actions were all devoted to that relationship.

I believe STRONGLY that every single relationship we have on Earth is for our growth.

Heavenly Father doesn't want us to be hurt.

So, don't get me wrong here.

But, all of them are to teach us something.

To help us to grow.

To help refine us.

The most important mortal relationship that we form is with ourselves.

We get right with ourselves.

We spend time with ourselves.

We get to know ourselves.

We become whole, ourself.

THEN, we are ready to have relationships.

We are able to handle ourselves and communicate when things are hard in a respectful, clear manner.

We talked to Jackson about how this is the opportune time to really focus on him and what he needs and wants and WHO he is.

Although life hurts and sadness is real and fear is prevalent, it will all be okay in the end.

And, if it's not okay then it isn't the end!

 

Stop It

I found this picture online and fell in love with it.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints, we have literally been taught in scriptures, in lessons, in music to LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Period.

End of sentence.

We have not been told to love one another unless they are a different color, or a different gender, or homosexual, or a different shape, or from a different place on the planet.

Just to love one another.

Unfortunately, I feel like members of the Church are some of the quickest to judge and to push people out.

I follow Papa Ostler on Instagram and I love this man.

He does a podcast and always has members of the Church who are homosexual, or who have addictions, or who have really struggled in the Church and in the world for various reasons.

He shows SO much love and so much respect - no different than he would show the Prophet.

His entire purpose is to stop the hate and the judgement and the "holier than thou" mentality and I love him for it.

Our job is to love one another.

It is never our job to judge.

Like, ever.

We are ALL mortal.

We are ALL broken.

We are ALL unworthy, yet completely worthy all at the same time.

We are ALL children of God.

There ain't no one here who is not a child of God.

No one.

The Prophet talked quite a bit in this last conference about stopping the hate, the racism, the violence. 

Knock it off.

If we are supposed to be representatives of Christ, let's act like it.

Starting with me.

 

Women

There are too many days when I allow myself to feel overwhelmed, and thus frustrated or full of anxiety.

I have made a goal this week to take a deep breath and ASK the Spirit what it is I should be focusing on at that moment... rather than trying to do it all at once.

We are human.

We are mortal.

We are not superheroes.

We can't do it all, nor are we expected to do it all.

We are daughters of God who sees it all and who will guide us to what we should be focusing on .

 

Try

Everyday is a great day to try.

And that's all that is asked of us anyways.

To try our best.

In every facet of our lives.

I already failed this morning at not cussing.

So, starting right this minute I'm starting over on the try bus.

Because we can.

We mess up and then we try again.

 

Control

Last night, Jackson came home for dinner.

When he got there, the parents were taking a nap.

Mama heard him come in and woke right up.

Mike needed a little more rest.

But, when Mike came out and while he was making dinner, Jackson started talking about things that are going on in his life.

Mike always has great advice, and amazing insight.

He gives such strong guidance to the kids... and to me!

After Jackson left last night, we stayed up and talked about it all and what our roles are as his parents right now in his life.

Colton was there, too.

And Izzy...

This picture was taken while Mike was still asleep.

Jackson and Colton were watching some strange movie that I didn't understand.

But, I had to snap a picture of my young man!

I read this quote this morning and LOVE it:

Control is an illusion.

Anger, regret, frustration for what's happened won't change the past.

Worry and anxiety for "what if" or "how long" won't change the future.

The only thing you can control is how you show up for yourself today.

Dave Hollis wrote this.

If there is one things we have zero control over in life - it's control.

We need to feel all of the feels, but knowing that they won't change what is happening in our lives.

Today, all we can actually do is show up for ourselves and be the best we can be today.

Hour by hour.

 

Unwilling

I'm sure you've heard it...

Maybe even said it...

There is a talk or a presentation or a video or an email that goes out.

It talks about things that really pertain to maybe only a handful of those viewing it.

But the ones who really need to hear it are tuned out.

They don't see themselves as needing to be refined.

An addiction to validation is a great way to illustrate that...

Although a bit different.

For someone who is an addict to validation, we hear all of it. We see all of it.

We internalize it to the extreme.

Then we continue living our life and making choices that we feel will make those speaking or sending emails proud of us... finally.

It doesn't work.

FYI.

For others, it's as if blinders are on.

It's as if they truly don't see things the way others do.

I had a Messenger conversation with someone this morning.

I am not friends, per say, with this person.

I was FB friends with her, but I've never met her...

Anyways.

She often (heavy emphasis on often) posts about her desire to change jobs because she doesn't like the environment she works in. 

She often changes jobs due to this and then speaks very negatively about the job she's just left.

I saw a post from her this morning, telling the same story.

I commented on it for the first time...

I said that I was sorry that she was having these feelings again and that I hoped she wasn't burning bridges in her field of work. I went on to say that her worth and value are unchangeable. I also noted that learning to get along with people, or to learn to let go of things, is one of the hardest things that humans have to learn. 

Welp, she didn't like that and began messaging me about how I am very judgemental and very rude and how I don't understand.

She's right that I don't understand.

I explained that I was grateful (once I was healthy again) when people could lovingly show me a different perspective. I could either go with it or not. But, I was grateful for it. I explained that I wished her the best. 

She didn't like that.

At all.

I blocked her, then she began messaging me from another one of her FB pages.

I blocked that one, too.

I feel genuinely bad for this person.

I am sad that she is struggling so much with work and with wanting to be in a relationship (which was also mentioned....)

I wanted to give her a hug.

Perhaps I should not have shared my perspective.

After all, it wasn't solicited.

I hope she knows she is loved and that her value and worth are not determined by anyone, especially not me, and that she can do great things.

I have found that it is extremely important to hear the perspective of those I love dearly and trust.

It's amazing what can be learned and discovered when we are willing to listen.

 

75 Hard Update

I gave this challenge my very best effort.

In that, I am confident.

I did my one workout while on my lunch break every day outside of my office building.

One time, I had to do a late night yoga workout in my front yard to get my second workout finished.

I stuck to my diet and my water intake.

I read my 10 pages and finished my book.

But, my body and my brain did not hold up.

Monday and Tuesday, I was home all day in bed or laying on the kitchen table to be close to Mike.

I couldn't hold my head up.

I have been so nauseous.

I started to ugly cry and sweet Mike told me how proud he was of me for trying, but that this challenge was probably not meant for stroke survivors.

He's probably right.

Izzy laid with me on Tuesday. 
Every time I'd move my head off her arm, she'd stick it right back under my head.

She thought she was comforting me!

We are sticking with the mediterranean way of eating.

It's the best way for my body, we've discovered.

Lots of fruits and veges, whole grains, very little meat (turns out my body doesn't digest it right), fresh herbs and spices (nothing processed)...

Lots of water.

Giving up doesn't mean I failed.

It means I learned.